I'm in a relationship, well a secret relationship. Ruesha and I have been dating for around 5 months now, a few months after her and Katie broke up. It took a while for Rue to trust me, after the several years long relationship with Katie, but she came around and opened up to me. She's the love of my life, she's perfect in every way. People think she's abrupt or mean, but really she only makes stupid jokes when she's uncomfortable and her brain tries its best way it knows to defend her and keep her safe. She's trying to get better at holding back when she's uncomfortable and I've been helping her with that. She's really the sweetest, most caring angel, who loves cuddles, kisses and breakfast in bed.
Rue has been doing this Ruetube show for a little while now, and I'm so happy for her, she genuinely loves doing it. Though she has to make it seem like she's single, to keep our relationship a secret. I didn't want it to be a secret, but Rue did, because of the media she had been getting after her break up and how she wanted to protect not only herself, but me from any backlash from the media.
I am know sitting at home, after a day at work, Rue should be home in the next hour from training, and I decide to watch her latest episode while I make dinner.
They start to read out her dms, trying to find a suitable match for her. Rue wasn't even trying to stop them, in all honesty, she seemed to enjoy this. She was playing along so well, too well. She even started to talk about maybe going out with one or two of them, causing tears to well in my eyes. This isn't my Ruesha. My Rue picks me above all. My Rue tells me that everyday. This isn't her. Why is she doing this? And for the world to see too? I get we are not public, but that doesn't mean she can do this.
By the time I finish the video, tears streaming down the face, the door to our apartment opens, before footsteps enter the room, the door closing behind them.
"Hey baby girl." Rue says, placing her training bag on the floor. I refuse to look up at her. Wiping my face, with the back of my sleeve, I stand up and walk around her, towards the kitchen. All I want to do is take my mind off of it. So I begin to cook dinner.
Rue must've followed me, because her strong arms wrap protectively around my body, before she rests her head on my shoulder. "Baby are you okay?" She asks, her voice laced with concern. Quickly shrugging her off of me, I turn around to turn the stove on. Rue sighs at my silence, but continues to stand next to me, watching me. "What are you making?" She asks. "Brussel sprouts salad." I say, before placing the cut sprouts onto the pan. The groan that comes from Ruesha is loud and fairly annoying. "But you know I hate Brussel sprouts." She whines. I shrug, before going back to cutting other vegetables for the salad. "Then don't eat it." I snap back. This causes Rue to back away, before taking a seat in the living room.
I know I shouldn't snap at her, but I just feel slightly betrayed. I would've been okay with what she did on the podcast today, if she has told me before hand. But now I feel like I'm being kept in the dark, as like a back up plan. Maybe I'm not who she actually wants to be with. Maybe I was just the quickest rebound and now she's ready to move on?
Once dinner is ready plate it up, not knowing if Rue will even eat it. Taking a seat at the dinning table, near the living room, I call out and she looks back at me. "Dinner is done, if you want some." I say, before looking back down at my plate. I can hear Rues footsteps as she enters the kitchen and then over to me. She takes a seat opposite me, trying to smile at me. This causes me to roll my eyes and look back down at my food.
We sit in silence eating, for a few more minutes, before Rue speaks up. "Baby, what did I do?" She asks, insecurely. I frown and continue to eat. "Please, please tell me. Tell me so I can fix it. Have I done something wrong? I'm so sorry if I have. Please baby girl, look at me." She pleads. I finally lift my head up to look at her. Her plate is empty, and her eyes are filled with pain. "You ate dinner?" I ask, more like a statement than a question. "You made it." She says, trying to smile at me.
I gulp and sigh. "I saw the latest podcast you have done." I say, stabbing a sprout. "Okay..." she says, not understanding why I'm mad. "Look I get you want to keep us away from the public, but basically trying to be set up on a date? On fucking YouTube, it's really hurtful. And you didn't even tell me. I just feel like I'm being kept in the dark, so who knows, you may go off and get with these people. You seemed to like it too. Like people wanting to date you. I'm your fucking girlfriend. And I'm right here." I tell her, letting it all out, and getting a bit loud at the end. Rue just stares at me, conflict shining across her face. "I didn't realise that's how you felt." She says, looking down then looking back at me. "I'm so sorry I made you feel that way. I promise you baby girl, I want no one but you. I love you. I will stop the whole, 'find Rue a date' thing. I promise." She says, standing up and walking over to me, before kneeling infront of me and taking my face in her hands. Her thumbs slowly run over my cheekbones a few times. "Would you like to go public? I would love the world to know you are mine, and I am yours." She says, staring up at me. I quickly smile, nodding I pull her in for a kiss, both of us smiling into it.
Later on that night Rue posts a picture on instagram, tagging me.
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I smile as Rue and I cuddle on the couch. "Thank you baby." I say, snuggling into her. "Anything for you." She says back, kissing my hair.
