Oneshots, Short Stories, and Poems

🌍 - GEESE ARE FUCKING FAST | M!Ukraine x M!Canada | Crack

Have your ever heard of the Soulmate Goose of Enforcement before?

Well, now you have!

No, I will not elaborate :)

~~~

Ukraine was walking on a park sidewalk, listening to music and enjoying the food he had gotten from a street vendor a few blocks down. He hummed to the song, not really thinking about much.

Honk!

He looked down, startled. A goose with brown and black feathers looked up at him. If Ukraine had to guess, the goose wanted food. The goose honked again.

Ukraine looked at his pork skewer. Would it be bad for geese to eat pork? He also remembered hearing something that said you shouldn't feed geese because they might get aggressive. With that in mind, Ukraine gave an uncertain smile to the goose, then turned around and walked away.

He completely forgot about the goose.

His thoughts floated around randomly, from yesterday's dinner to the time he broke his washing machine. That washing machine experience was absolutely crazy. You meet your soulmate through the weirdest experience of your life, so Ukraine legitimately thought that the Polish plumber who came to fix the washing machine was his soulmate. He was pretty cute as well. Poland already had a soulmate, though.

Ukraine's mind drifted away from soulmates towards the song that was playing on his phone right now. It was that marmalade song by Katya Lel, the one that had been trending for a while now. It was a great song and all, but - did those American TikTok influencers know what the lyrics meant?

To be fair, they probably don't. It doesn't sound like a weird song if you don't know Russian. And-

HONK!!

Ukraine stopped walking, pulled out an earbud, turned around, and slowly bit another piece of meat off of his pork skewer. A gaggle of about ten geese were grouped behind him, staring at him with dark, beady eyes. Ukraine's chewing slowed down considerably as he fell into a staring contest with one of the birds. Were those the same geese that had been bothering him earlier for food?

Stare.

Chew.

Stare.

Swallow.

HOOONNNNKKKK!!!!!!

All of the geese charged at Ukraine, some running, some flying. Ukraine screamed and bolted away, nearly choking on his recently swallowed pork.  

The noise of feet hitting the pavement, flippers slapping on stones, indignant goose honking, put together with Ukraine's unmanly screams of terror made people look up. What a passerby saw wouldn't have been less bewildering. Ukraine was sprinting away from the geese, hands over his head, somehow still holding his pork skewer. His earbud and his bag were flying behind him, and some of the geese were pecking at the bag. Some were nipping at his clothes and hair. One goose randomly defecated somewhere along the way.

Ukraine didn't realize he was running towards the stairs to the park until he tripped on one of the steps.

His feet weren't on solid ground anymore.

FUUUCCKKKK-

The ground was hurtling towards him, dark gray stairs zooming by at an incredible speed, and a red and white blur-

Ukraine's body slammed into something warm and soft. Two arms wrapped around his waist. Then the person who caught Ukraine fell, presumably losing balance due to Ukraine's weight - or maybe they were attacked by the rabid geese- but anyway, the two of them tumbled down the rest of the stairs, Ukraine clinging on to the stranger for dear life.