The Roses and Hibiscus Chronicles - Coriolanus Snow

Pillow talk

Indila no longer trusted Coriolanus. He was a murderer, evil, capable of sending innocent children to their deaths. The night Indila discovered this truth, thoughts of suicide crossed her mind. In fact, she would contemplate it many times in her life, especially when Coriolanus reminded her of who he truly was. What prevented her from taking such a drastic step? Her children. Indila quickly formed a strong attachment to Crassus, and the idea of leaving him alone with his father terrified her. In the years that followed, two more lives would become reasons to stay, although she was unaware of it at the time.

Why did she contemplate death in the first place? On the evening of the first announcement of The Hunger Games, Indila realized something about Coriolanus that hadn't occurred to her before: he was capable of lying and omitting information if it suited him. Months later, she discovered he was a master at it. So, the likelihood of him letting her go back home anytime was probably not true. Even if it were, what could she do? Go back to her family, the people who were so pleased to be rid of the shame her existence brought to the crown? She had openly expressed her disdain for them. Even if she managed to return, how could she escape to another continent? How could she leave Panem if Coriolanus didn't allow it? He controlled every aspect of her life; she was well aware he would know every move or word she made within the circle. The only apparent way out was death. She used to feel like a coward when contemplating it. Nevertheless, her decision was made: she would remain in this world until their children were old enough to care for themselves.

This path was far from easy. In the months following the announcement, Indila felt repulsed by Coriolanus. She could barely bring herself to look at him. How could she have been so naive? How did he manipulate her so effortlessly? She despised him. Despite his attempts to win her back, he could never fully succeed. She was wounded in a way that he could never heal. On the other hand, she still loved the idea of the old Coriolanus, the one who never truly existed, and she was aware of it.

Life became a living hell. Then, a solution presented itself. Without even realizing it, during brief moments—like when Coriolanus would ask if Crassus was already sleeping—she would temporarily forget the person he truly was. Indila made a decision that didn't fill her with pride. In fact, even until her death, she would carry a lingering shame: she chose to pretend she didn't know, opting to forget the truth or, at least, pretend to. Most of the time, she had her husband back. Their marital problems transformed into occasional infidelity, disagreements on child-rearing, issues of jealousy (or the absence of it), and debates about how much Tigris influenced their relationship. However, there were moments when Coriolanus wasn't easy on her, and she would be reminded of who he truly was. On nights like that, Indila would cry, her resentment soaked with guilt, until she fell asleep. Fortunately, tonight was not one of those nights.

Indila had unfastened her heels. Coriolanus was changing too. "Baby, would you unzip me, please?" He approached her, saying, "Sure." He always kissed her neck when unzipping her dresses. "Dila, I was thinking tonight, what do you want to do for our second anniversary?" Indila hadn't thought about the 'dos,' only the 'don'ts.' "Coryo... not sure... just please, don't throw another dinner party like this. They drain all my social energy; I'm exhausted." Coriolanus raised an eyebrow. "I could never tell; you were talking to everybody all night long." Indila was indeed skilled in social situations like these, where one had to appear polite and perfect—she was trained to excel. "Babe, I swear, hearing all your female friends from school talk about how much fat they added to their boobs so they'd look bigger is not as pleasant as it seems."