Mess

05.

The cuts on his arms were not pretty, and neither was he.

When Louis was an innocent little teenager, one of his teachers at school had an English lesson with his class, which turned out in the end to be a lesson about mental illnesses. The teacher only gave them information about the two most common ones, depression and anxiety, but he also said there were many more. Most of his classmates didn't take their teacher or those illnesses seriously though, saying those were just excuses to get away from everyday-life like work. Louis thought like that before too, but he knew it wasn't true now.

As the drops of blood trailed down his skin and to the tips of his fingers, he was staring at his cuts like he was watching something beautiful happening. He didn't know how to describe it, but he just felt more relaxed and relieved. It was scary, because how could watching himself bleed from something he did feel so fucking good?

The sad thing was that his boys had talked about it yesterday, but it wasn't in a really supporting way. Louis had stayed quiet the whole time, not even daring to open his mouth in fear of letting out a sob.

It was really that bad.

He could remember the conversation so well. Niall had begun talking out of nowhere when he chewed on his pizza piece, and Liam was annoyed because he kept talking with his mouth open. Louis was more angry though.

It was about a fan at the meet&greet thing they did every show.

"She had scars on her arms," Niall told them, furrowing his eyebrows, "but they were not from an accident. They were from self-harming."

"That's sad," Harry whispered, frowning.

The other boys agreed, but Niall quickly shook his head.

"But it's not that! I asked her about it, and she told me it was because of problems," he exlaimed like it was the most stupidiest thing he had ever heard. "Like, why harm yourself for that? I swear, I would never even... shit. People need to find something better to do to get attention."

Louis could barely move after what Niall had said. He was frozen inside, shocked and so hurt by how easy the other boys agreed to the statement. Even Harry did, and that was the worst. His boyfriend... his boyfriend agreed to it, and Louis wanted to jump off a cliff and die.

There were no sounds outside their bathroom, but that was good. He didn't expect Harry to come home so soon from his grocery shopping, and it was the perfect time to do it, so he did it.

Standing up from the floor, he got some paper from the toilet roll and tried to rub the blood away. It helped with water.

"I'm so sorry, Hazza," he whispered out loud when he was done cleaning, his voice breaking when he began to cry. "I'm sorry I could never be the perfect one for you..."