Mess

23.

Sometimes, Louis stared at himself in the mirror, particularly the scars on his body.

They were still red and ugly, torturing him and screaming at him in horrible ways. He could sometimes hear voices in his head, telling him how worthless and pathetic he was, and how much he deserved to die. The scars didn't seem to help either. They reminded him of how weak he really was, no matter what people told him. He was weak, and that was the reality.

Everything went downhill for him when his mom died.

The amount of pain he was feeling when he heard the news couldn't be described. It hurt. It fucking hurt. It felt like a thousand knives were poking him and cutting through his skin repeatedly, and he couldn't do anything but scream and cry. He wanted to kill himself.

His mother hadn't even seen him, her eldest son, get married. Getting married to the most wonderful and beautiful man in the world. She didn't even get to hear about their engagement because he wanted to wait a few days before telling them. Why did he fucking wait?

His life was destroyed. The only thing and person left to live for was the love of his life, who cared about him more than anything and appreciated him more than anyone ever could. Harry loved him. He loved him so much, and it was painful. It was painful because Louis loved him too, and he didn't want to leave him. How could he leave him?

How could he ever leave him?

It had been two weeks since his mother's death, and it had been three weeks since Harry proposed to him. The engagement ring on his finger calmed him down, reminded him that there were still things in his life worth living for. Still, his suffering hadn't vanished. He missed his mother so much. She was his first best friend, and now she was gone. He didn't even get to say goodbye.

He was crying now. The tears were rolling down his cheeks silently, continuously from when he was showering until he was putting on some clean clothes to wear. He managed to calm down again when he heard the door open and shut downstairs, knowing his fiancé was back home from the shopping trip.

"Honey, I'm home!"

Louis bit his bottom lip, clearing his throat. "I'm coming!"

As he wiped his tears away, he walked out of their bedroom to meet with Harry downstairs. He heard groceries being put in the fridge and in the cabinets, and the sound of Harry humming one of their songs brought a small smile to Louis' face. He had a lovely voice.

Harry turned around to face Louis when he heard quiet steps behind him. He was concerned at first, but relaxed immediately when he saw Louis was okay. Well, at least it looked like it from the outside world's perspective. Louis was far from okay.

"Hi baby," Harry greeted softly while putting the shopping bags down on the kitchen counter. There were still groceries in them, making Louis question what his fiance actually bought on his shopping trips that needed three bags. "How are you feeling, love?"

He walked over to him and pressed a lingering kiss to Louis' forehead, gazing down at him afterwards with the kindest expression. It baffled Louis sometimes, that he was going to be the one to marry the most handsome man in the world. Though, it was the only thing that kept him alive. Harry was the only person that kept him alive. Maybe it wasn't healthy to think like that, but at least he wasn't dead.