Mess

09.

When they came home, Harry put Louis to bed immediately. He was holding Louis in his arms from the moment they walked inside the house to when they were inside their bedroom. Then Harry tucked him in like he was a kid who couldn't take care of himself, and he was sick of it. He wasn't fragile.

"Harry, please stop. You act like I'm your baby all the time," Louis whispered, rubbing his face on the soft pillow. The white duvet was only covering his stomach, because Harry was busy drawing patterns on Louis's chest with his fingers.

"I get really scared when you say stuff like that, Lou. I'm not letting you do anything, okay? You're my baby, and I want you to be happy. What's the matter, love? Why do you want to do harm yourself now?" Harry said, lying down on the bed next to Louis. Smiling sadly, he grabbed his face and began kissing his lips with so much passion and love.

Louis got a bit overwhelmed by it, so when he pulled away thirty seconds later he was dizzy and breathless. He let out a small whimper, suddenly wanting more of Harry's kisses.

"Answer me first, love," Harry whispered, giving more kisses to Louis' face.

"J-Just felt like nobody loved me," Louis started, clearing his throat uncomfortably when he felt a lump in his throat. "I always feel like that anyway."

"It's the usual, though I feel more worthless than before. There's a voice in my head, saying how I'm not worth and that I don't deserve you for example. But they're so strong. I can't get those thoughts out of my head."

Harry could see Louis was on the verge of crying, so he quickly hushed him with a frown and began kissing him again. "Never want you to feel or think like that," he murmed between the kisses, leaning his forehead on Louis'. "You're so lovely. You deserve everything you've got. I hope you believe me soon. Someone so beautiful and kind as you don't deserve to be so sad."

"R-Really?"

"Oh my god, of course. Baby, I love you so much."

"You kn-know I have c-cuts on both arms?"

"What?"

Louis thought Harry knew.

"What are you saying?"

Harry looked at him with the same expression he had on his face yesterday when he found out, but this time it was far more worse. He looked so fucking hurt, more sad, really shocked and especially worried. So worried.

"C-Cut-ts, on b-both arms," Louis stuttered on his words, eyes widening in fear at the sudden silence. He's going to leave me, he thought, but that wasn't it.

Harry began to cry.

"Oh no," Louis whimpered with tears in his eyes. "Oh no, Harry."

"Louis, stay with me, please," Harry sternly said as tears left his eyes, "I want you to stay, so please listen to me Louis William, please just listen."

"O-Okay."

Harry grabbed his face again, and kissed him with all he got. Louis moaned, and tried to kiss back as much as he could. He couldn't really keep up. Harry's lips felt so good against his, and he kept whispering 'beautiful' after every drag of their mouths.

"Beautiful, so beautiful..." Harry said, kissing his neck. "Oh, so beautiful, baby boy. Such a baby boy..."

Louis whined, and tried so hard to push Harry away. His voice sent tingles everywhere, and it was so annoying because he couldn't control it.

"I never want you to cut again, hear me?" Harry said, wrapping his arms around Louis' body. "Show the others to me, please?"

It took a few seconds before Louis could lift up his jumper sleeve. When he did, Harry let out a loud gasp.

"Oh my god-"

"Harry-"

"It's fucking worse than the other arm!" Harry shouted, staring worriedly at the cuts. His eyes narrowed though when he noticed something else. "What is that?"

Louis was really confused what Harry was asking about at first, but then he saw what his boyfriend was pointing to. It was a really deep cut on his wrist, and it was still bright red. He remembered how good it felt to do that three days ago, and if he actually had cut a little bit deeper, he would probably be dead right now,.

"A c-cut?" Louis whispered, biting his bottom lip.

"Cut?" Harry shook his head, and stroked his boyfriend's arm with his fingertips. "It looks worse than that, Boo."

"I almost killed myself."

"What?"

"I almost killed myself."