It wasn't me

Chapter 7

Rose

The house was quiet. Too quiet, especially when people like Jay and Tim were around. Those two could be the loudest duo that ever existed yet now, they were silent like a dead end.

“You guys ok?” I asked the two.

They let out a huff of air that looked like they were holding it forever.

After that they started to be more relaxed now and move around. Jay going to my fridge and feeling at home. Which…he kinda had the right to. We always shared things in college and helped each other however we could.

“To be honest, for a moment there I thought you were gonna kill us.” Tim said with a bit of a laugh. “Who was the guy though? The handsome saviour…?” He said wiggling his eyebrows.

Now that he mentioned it, I didn’t know. In the rush of adrenaline that I had I couldn’t even comprehend that a random guy wanted to save me. Why? And most importantly, why did he have a gun? I didn’t even see his face but his cologne…it was so strong but not overwhelming and it gave me a sense of relief that he saved me.

“I don’t know Tim…I actually don’t know.”

“In what kind of bad romance novel are you Rose?” Jay asked from the kitchen counter.

I shrugged and took a place on the arm of the couch.

We talked about our lives since we haven’t seen one another. I told the guys how I got the job and how I have been since we have parted ways over the summer and after finishing college. We have kept in touch through our group chat but it was different to be with them like this. It felt nostalgic and it reminded me of the nights we spent together in study rooms just doing about anything and everything.

Jay apparently has been living some sort of rockstar life, travelling around, going to concert, clubbing, having a great time while also working. For a moment I got my hopes up that he had found a job but he was quick to tell me how he is just investing in crypto and bitcoins. I mean…if he makes money, why not? It was surreal how Jay could have such a duality. With us he was so funny and cute, the human version of a bunny but if you were to look through his instagram posts you would be greeted as what people call a rockstar fuckboy. His post mostly of himself out with friends or more recently, since making money, treating himself with small luxury goods.

Tim was his polar opposite. He had told us how he had spent a nice summer on the italian coast with a nice girl and that all he was doing was to go wine tasting and eat pasta but I knew that was a fat lie because Tim could not handle alcohol to save his life. If Jay was the party person of our group, Tim was the old money type, except he wasn’t actually old money.

The night went on with us laughing and talking by the time the clock struck 3 am the guys were passed out on the couch and me in my bed.

The morning in the hospital was quite calm and everything went smooth. Almost too smooth. Kyle had been moved to a different centre and Felix was oddly cooperative. I still snuck in some good breakfast from the doctors and nurses canteen because it was the only thing he was eating, but besides that he was taking his pills.

Another thing that shocked me was that when it came time for me to do my therapy sessions he was waiting for me in front of the room instead of it being the other way around. If a few days ago he put up the biggest fight because he didn’t want to come here, he was now waiting to go inside. I thought it was suspicious and made a mental note to check if I didn’t give him too much of his pill dosage.

However, that note immediately went away when, once in the room, he didn’t want to say anything. I have tried everything and the most he gave me was a shrug of his shoulders.

I was starting to feel frustrated and what  hurt most was that I could see in him that he wanted to say some things but didn’t. So I decided to pick the hard way.

“If you don’t want to talk why are you here? You could have stayed in your room. I don’t want to waste time.” I said making myself look busy.

Click.
He looked at me.

“I mean, you’re already taking pills so…you don’t need anyone am I right?”

Click.

His fists clenched.

“Unless you do need me but-“

Boom.

“Fucking cut the bullshit. I don’t need you. I am not the problem. It wasn’t me.” He said as he leaned with his elbows on his knees.

“And if it was?” I was really playing with fire now.

“Are you insane like me? Have you been in pain like me? Spent money on alcohol just to pour the motherfucker down the drain? Are you high enough without weed like me? Do people whisper about you wherever you go in this damn hospital?” He scoffed and I knew I broke the dam. “Do you have any idea how many times I have been told that this is not a dream? That I am not a human being and I don’t deserve to be running on oxygen and that I should run on gasoline? There is a flaw in me and no one can fix it because there is nothing to be fixed.” He said like he was angry, frustrated.

I was expecting him to be angry but this took my expectations way higher and I had so many questions. What happened to him? What’s his story? Why is he here?

From all that he’s said it looked like he was not treated like a human and I know. I know from the time those guards were calling him by a number, not even his name. He was treated like a machine that was broken.

“You’re right. I can’t help you.” I said calmly while looking at the pen in my hand.

“Of course you can’t.” He scoffed.

“But I can make it better but only if you want it too. Felix…I saw how they treated you and I’m not okay with it. But if you don’t let me know what’s wrong, I can’t make it bearable for you to be here.” I tried to resonate with him.

“Do we actually know what is normality anymore? What is normal and what not? For you the normality is to go out, see people, nature. Your normal is my extraordinary, Rose. A dream.”

I was a bit taken aback but what he said. He was right in a way, the rules were very strict and patients from the sixth floor could never go outside.

Our session came to an end and he got up to leave. When he was close by the door he turned to me and said

“I do love shadows though, I can see so many things…but no one can see me.”