It wasn't me

Chapter 14

Rose

Even thought I was in Jay’s apartment nothing stopped me from staring at Felix’s file that sat on the dark coffee table in front of me. I kind of stole it a few nights ago and in the moment I was so impatient to read it, now it seemed like the hardest thing to do. I felt like everything will change if I open it and read about what really happened and what Felix did. Why was I afraid of change? I needed to know these things about him so I will able to help him.

“Oh fuck it.” I mutter more to myself and snatch the file off of the table.

The first page is just basic information about him like name, age, place of birth, blood type, number and some other stuff. Why did he have question marks next to every rubric? Did they not know anything about him? I frown when I spot this. So it is possible that Felix’s name isn’t actually Felix, it’s possible to be younger or older than 28, he’s from somewhere in Asia but they at least they know that his blood type is O and well I know that his number is 404. He has no one noted under the emergency contacts list and he is not allergic to anything.

I sighted, he was more closed and mysterious than I thought.

I turned the page to the next one where the list with his disorders began. I took a deep breath because for a reason I forgot how to breathe for a second and now I could feel my heart rate pick up.

In the table were listed three disorders but I swear I didn’t know how to even react when I saw them.

Borderline personality disorder

Schizoid personality disorder

Antisocial personality disorder

My breathing was shallow and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

B.P.D- this affects the one a person feels about themselves and others. It includes a pattern of unstable, intense relationships, as well as impulsiveness and an unhealthy way of seeing themselves. Fear of abandonment.

S.P.D- a condition where a person shows very little or maybe no interest and ability to form relationships with other people because they can’t express a full range of emotions. Rejecting others and not being able to make friends or be in relationships.

A.P.D- in one word, sociopathy. When one person shows no regard for right or wrong and ignores other’s rights or feelings. Manipulative. Violators of the law, usually have problems with drugs. Usually doing things with no regards for the safety of self or others.

Did I read this all right? They were kind of contradicting, at least the first two ones. How could he be afraid of abandonment if he wasn’t able to keep or maybe even form relationships of any kind? I turned to the next page in hopes that maybe I will get more answers.

The images that I saw the moment I turned the page were something that I wished I didn’t see. Bodies, marks, burning buildings.

‘Woman, 22, found strangled in her own home. The victim was found tied to her bed with ropes tightly tied around both her arms, ankles and neck, it seems that she was already dead for some time, at least 2 days. According to the neighbours, the last person to visit her was her boyfriend, Kim Chirstian, and they heard screams as if they were fighting.”

I was skimming my eyes over the report and I couldn’t bring myself to believe what I was reading. Kim Christian…and then I remembered that on my first day at the hospital the doctor told me that Felix had various names, he changed his name. But did he actually strangle and do all those things to his girlfriend, which again if he was suffering from S.P.D, how did it happen?

The next photos were showing a man that has been mutilated. Nails pulled out, stabbed in different places, mouth sewn shut and lastly, shot. The date was odd though. It was marked sometime last week which is close to impossible since I was at the hospital the whole time. Then I felt like I was being hit by a bus, the man in the picture…was the man that wanted to rape me that night at the bar…he was dead and the images in front of me now seemed like they were moving.

I didn’t want to look at the other photos since I feel like I might throw up if I see more of this so I just read the next case, it was dated a few years ago. 7 years ago he would have been 20. Accused of arson.

When I read the word arson I felt like I was transported way back to the time when my grandparents’ house caught on fire a few years ago but it wasn’t 7.

I pushed the file away from me like I was pushing away plague and began sprinting to the bathroom. My efforts of keeping my bile in for so long have proved futile. From the moment I realized that my stalker was in my apartment I felt sick and tried too keep it in but I guess that seeing all those graphic images made me spill my guts out.

I forgot that I wasn’t alone and when I felt a hand on my back I wanted to jerk back but I didn’t want to make a mess.

“Rosie, are you okay?” I heard Jay say with a worried voice. I calmed down when I heard his voice.

I tried to nod as best as possible and leaned against the wall when I felt a little bit better.

Jay’s face was adorned with worry and a crease formed between his eyebrows yet he waited patiently for me to fully calm down and regulate my breathing.

“What happened? Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I guess all of the earlier events caught up with me and being scared made me feel like this.” I confessed which was mostly true but I couldn’t tell him the whole story. I couldn’t disclose my patient’s personal information, not when I barely got it.

The next morning was better. Even thought Jay was a step away from begging me to call in sick today because he was worried about what happened last night, I still went to work because I just needed to find more. How was that saying? I keep walking towards the warmth of the fire even though I know I might get burn. The fire was Felix and the warmth was all the mysteries he was hiding.

After passing him the morning medication I went downstairs and into my office. I am thinking if I should do something different today in the therapy session. I don’t want to change too much either because then it would be suspicious and he will figure out that something was wrong. These kind of people are anything but stupid, if anything they are the smartest kind. The sole reason Felix was not in prison at the moment and he was only here was proof to that. They never had evidence that he did it, IF he did anything at all.

I sat near the window and looked outside, it was pretty warm and sunny and so I decided, took a risk if you may.

‘Felix, today is the way you’ll go outside and see the world.’