Random KNY one shots

An open book | {KokuZan}

Theme: Rollercoaster of self discovery and floof<3

Note: I've (unintentionally) deprived you of KokuZan for a month now and since y'all have been patient and lovely I'm writing you some now

Tags: @FanficSnail @freshbeans6479

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You would assume that after living for centuries (almost a thousand years, actually), Muzan would have a good grasp at the properties of emotions. Especially with all those hearts. But that was, in fact, apparently not a perk of a long life. Despite staying physically young, around the age where love becomes an appealing road in life, Muzan's emotional knowledge wasn't quite as evergreen. Because humans were seemingly constantly about 'love' and 'friendship' and all that shit he never understood, it was reasonable for him to be panicked about falling for his, per se, employee. Or, to put it bluntly, a man whom he had turned into an inhuman, basically cannibalist, six-eyed demon 3 centuries ago: Kokushibo.

Obviously, he didn't grasp what he felt was attraction for Kokushibo for about a decade before noticing it. It was all a stranger to him, atypical to his lifestyle. He preferred to ignore it. But as the years flew by, he found himself unable to disregard his feelings. Not when his breath hitched almost sensually when Kokushibo's eyes flicked towards him even for a second, not when the tranquil voice murmured his name briefly as a response to an order. It overwhelmed him, all this emotion. He didn't understand himself and he found himself searching for an answer, an explanation to this phenomenon.

He didn't tell anyone, but if you asked the caretakers of the houses he pretended to be a child in? He was drawn to books about botany and, curiously, romance. He sought a confirmation to his feelings, he wished to find a reason for why Kokushibo made him feel so strange in such beautiful ways. The mystery of it excited him, in a way. He was drunk on his love for the man, chasing after it but falling back just enough so he would never notice him, lurking a couple meters away.

This was unlike anything he would've imagined, really. Life had always just been to keep living without too much inconvenience, to find the Blue Spider Lily and simply not die. And this? The unpredictability of it all?

Sometimes, he was unable to decide if he was drawn in by this or pushed away. It was all so alluring yet terrifying because he didn't understand it, he couldn't control it. And it somehow made it all the more captivating. From time to time, he was tempted to stray away. Try to keep Kokushibo far from him for as long as possible, to keep him out of his mind. To see him solely as another stepping stone for his plans. And yet—

And yet he found himself running back to Kokushibo like a lost puppy. In his mind, it was a weakness. Making him pathetic and stupid and—and it didn't even matter anymore. Not when Kokushibo was so close—a breath away—hand in hand—and—and it was all a wish, and it was all a wonder.

Love, was it? According to the thousands of books he had pored over, this was what it was called. He had been referring to it with this word but he had never truly understood it. In a way, every book described it differently. Butterflies, heart eyes, obsessiveness. The beauty of it, the enchantment. Or was it feeling a sort of connection, love at first sight? Soulmates? But what was it? It fit; it didn't. It was far too complicated for him, a poly of brains or not.

He tried to run away from it. It became far too much and over two centuries of pondering it only made him wish he had never realized it. Of course, it was more than that. The longing of it hurt him almost physically. He figured Kokushibo couldn't see him the same. Not the man with the cold exterior, with the stern voice and... and beautiful eyes.