You don't have to suffer alone

chapter 6

~ Luna's POV ~ 

Ivy and i are sitting on the bathroom floor together, neither of us wanting to return to class. I'm still catching my breath trying to gain back control of my body. And then my phones rings, it's Nick. I don't want to answer it and then Ivy looks at me "who is it? should i pick it up for you?" she asks me and i nod my head yes "i-it's my f-foster dad" i say tears still rolling down my cheeks. 

Ivy picks up the phone and puts it on speaker. "Hey Lun, you called are you okay?" Nick asks over the phone and i want to answer but my brain wont let me. Ivy can tell and she answers for me "Hi Nick, it's Ivy, i'm in the same class as Luna." "Oh hi is she okay? What's wrong?" Nick asks worry appearing in his voice.

"Luna ran out of the classroom earlier and i decided to go after her making sure she was alright and when i found her she was having a panic attack in the bathroom. I got her to calm down, but she's still not doing really good. I think she's overwhelmed." Ivy explains to Nick, it surprises me how good Ivy can read my body language and knows what's going on, even though she just met me a few hours ago.

"Oh no, thank you for helping her, i'm glad she's feeling okay now. Does she want me to pick her up?" Nick asks and i nod my head yes not wanting to be here any longer, i'm exhausted, my head hurts and i just want to lay in my bed and be by myself. 

"She's nodding her head yes" "okay i'm coming right now, i'll be there in 10" Nick tells Ivy. "Okay thank you, i'll stay with her until you're here" Ivy says to Nick. They hang up and Ivy and i sit together in silence. I've never felt this safe with someone i only know for a few hours. I have a good feeling about Ivy and i really really hope i'm not wrong.

About 10 minutes have passed and i recieve a notification on my phone and i check it: 

'Nick'

11.21am: i'm here :) 

"He's here" i say to Ivy and we both stand up grabbing our bags. "Here's my number" Ivy says while handing me a little folded piece of paper and i smile at her. "Hope you feel better soon girly" she says to me. We say our goodbyes and then we go our seperate ways, Ivy going back to class and i'm going to find Nick. 

Once i find Nick waiting for me at the school gates i walk over to him. And i don't know why but my first instinct tells me to hug him and i decide to not overthink it any second and decide to go for it. 

I drop my bag on the floor wrapping my arms around Nick and once again i break down crying, but this time in Nick's arms. You really shouldn't be doing this Luna, this is going to end bad for you. "Hey hey sweetie it's okay, you're okay" Nick comforts me while hugging me tightly.

After some silent hugging Nick lifts my chin up so i'm forced to look at him. "Do you want to talk about it Lun?" i love the nickname Nick and Charlie came up with 'Lun.' 

I shake my head no at Nick's question and he accepts it without hesitation and then we walk to the car together. The drive is silent and then i remember the paper Ivy gave me and i open it up.

'Hi girly here's my number:  .....

I hope you feel better! You can always text me if you need someone to talk to! i'll understand and i'm here for you girl <3

Xx' 

I can't help but tear up from this, i never had a friend before, i like Ivy, she's nice.

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I'm laying in my bed since the moment i got home earlier today. The same horrible and empty feeling taking over me and the same negative thoughts rushing through my head.

I'm showing way to much emotions to the outside world, i need to keep it in better. This past few weeks have been almost to good to be true and i fear something bad will happen. 

And that's when my mind starts going places i wish it didn't go to, bringing up all the horrible memories from my past and everything rushes through me at once, all the flashbacks.

My dad hitting me

Mom or dad screaming at me what a worthless child i am

How horrible i am and that it's better if i'm not here anymore

Mom screaming at me and hitting me hard if i didn't do good enough in school

Getting kicked in the ribs

I hide myself behind my arms hoping no one can hit me. The flashbacks won't stop and everything keeps repeating in front of me. 

"YOU ARE SO UNLOVED LUNA I HOPE YOU KNOW WE DIDN'T WANT YOU"

"JUST GO! DISAPPEAR! LEAVE! YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS" 

"YOU'RE SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT!"

I start gasping for air but nothing fills my lungs and it feels like i'm suffocating. I muffle my gasps with my hands, praying Nick or Charlie won't here me. It's bad, this is bad. I can't fucking breath. 

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I don't know how long it's been but nothing seems to work and air still wont fill my lungs. I feel the urge getting stronger and stronger in my head, it really feels like the only solution to calm me down right now.

I shakily get up and go to my bathroom and grab something sharp. I close my eyes trying to get the picture of my mom and dad out of my head while i draw the sharp object against my wrist, blood starting to come out almost immediately.

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There's a knock at my bedroom door, shit. "one sec" i say quickly hiding everything in my bathroom and washing my wrist, i flush the toilet making it seem like i just went to the bathroom and then i open my bedroom door.

"Hi i just wanted to say dinner will be ready in 5, but i didn't want to yell up the stairs." Charlie says to me, i'm glad they're both so understanding when it comes to yelling and screaming. I nod my head at his statement not wanting to say anything because i know my voice will be shaky.

"Are you okay? It kinda looks like you've been crying, is everything okay Lun?" Why do they notice everything even though i'm trying to hide it the best i can?! "yeah no i'm okay thanks" i say and i fake a smile.

I wish i wasn't this good at faking smiles.