You don't have to suffer alone

chapter 8

~ Luna's POV ~ 

I didn't have to go to school today so i decided not to set my alarm and sleep as long as possible. It's 11.15am right now and i just woke up. I'm not in the mood to get out of bed, i'm absolutely exhausted and i just don't have energy and motivation to get up. I want to lay in my room all day until this empty feeling goes away, but it doesn't, it never does.

Some time passes and someone knocks on my bedroom door "come in" i say still laying in the bed wrapped under the covers. It's Nick. "hi goodmorning sweetie" "morning" i say because no, it's definitely not a good one. "Charlie and i are going to run some errands but i wanted to give you some options about what we talked about, to try and make school less stressful and hard" Nick says to me while sitting next to me on the bed and i sit up in my bed next to him.

"You don't have to decide right away ofcourse but just so you can think about it okay?" i nod waiting for what he's going to tell me. "So maybe you could spread your schoolyear into 1,5 years to give yourself more time for tests and deadlines, we could also arrange you a pass so you can leave the classroom whenever you need it or when you're too overwhelmed. They have a special teacher you can go to whenever you need to or maybe we could talk to your teachers so you can wear headphones in class to avoid a lot of stimulants." Nick tells me and my head starts thinking about the options. I don't know if i want to be in school even longer, it already feels too long.

"okay i'll think about it, thank you" i say faking a smile, once again. "alright, take your time Lun, breakfast is in the fridge whenever you want it. I don't know when we'll be back but we wont be gone for too long" "okay bye" 

As soon as Nick closes my bedroom door, i fall back on the bed hiding my face under the covers letting out a groan. I wish i could tell them everything and i wish my mind didn't stop me from doing that. Why does everything that happened affect me so much still, i really hate that. 

I don't have the energy to get up to eat some food so i decide to just lay in my bed, that way it kinda feels like i don't have to start my day because i don't want to have to live right now. I just scroll on my phone for some time until i hear the front door open again, i didn't realise 2 hours passed but i guess it did. 

I turn around in my bed so i'm not facing the door for whenever they come in, i don't want to see the disappointment on their face when they see me still laying in bed. I hate this empty and depressed feeling so much, i really don't know how to cope with it.  

A little while later there's a knock on the door again, i don't even want to respond but i just let out a "mhm" and Nick walks in again. "Are you okay Lun? It's 1.30pm and you haven't ate anything yet." he says and i don't know how to respond without telling him how i feel, which i really don't want to do.

"i- uhmm- just- don't have the energy to get out of bed today i-i'm sorry" Nick kneels down in front of my bed and looks at me "no need to apologise sweetheart do you want me to bring some lunch to you?" Nick asks and i'm absolutely shocked again but i don't show it "yes please" "i'll be right back" Nick leaves and my mind is going crazy. 

Is this really what it feels like to be treated like i should?! He didn't get mad at me, he didn't call me names, he didn't yell or anything, he was just... supporting me and offering help?! Wow, just wow. I really need to get used to this. Life could also be like this Luna.

Nick comes back with a plate of food and a tea and he places it on my nightstand and i sit up. "Thank you" i say and i let out a smile that's actually genuine for once. "Ofcourse, let us know if you need anything okay, just take it easy" Nick says to me and he kisses the top of my head. I'm so not used to feeling like this, i feel.. Loved... 

~ Charlie's POV ~ 

Nick and i have been running errands for a few hours now. We've been talking about Luna, us and just life in general and i loved it. We're both worried about Luna and would love to talk to her but we think she's not ready for that yet and it'll just overwhelm her instead.

We arrive back home and put all the groceries on the table so we can store them away together. When i open the fridge to put the stuff away i realise that the breakfast we left for Luna is still in the fridge untouched. "Nick i think Luna hasn't ate anything yet, the breakfast we left her is still here" i state, kinda worried.

Nick looks at me worried too and then comes over to me to hug me. "I'm sure she's okay Char, i'll go talk to her so you can do your thing" Nick goes upstairs and i'm glad he lets me unpack the groceries. He knows i need to organize it a certain way and i'm glad he lets me do that. 

A few minutes later Nick comes back downstairs "is she okay?" "yeah she says she is, she just didn't have that much energy to get out of bed today so she wanted to stay in bed" Nick says and i'm relieved she's okay and not sick or overwhelmed or anything. Nick starts making her tea and some food while i keep organizing the kitchen.

~ Luna's POV ~

I really feel like i'm drowning in my depression, it's like i'm stuck and it's impossible to get out. I shut myself down from everyone around me and my mind keeps teling me that no one cares and that no one loves me, even though i'm also starting to believe that Nick and Charlie do.

My negative thoughts are getting too much and my depression is too much to handle. I hate it, i hate it all. Everything is just too much.

I open my nightstand drawer and grab a blade i hid in there. I slide it down my wrist to give myself the pain i deserve, to get my brain to shut up. I just want peace.

~ Charlie's POV ~

Nick and i are cooking dinner together, i got to choose what we're eating and i decided on noodle soup with some bread and crackers. With all the changes lately i've kinda been having some relapses with my eating disorder and i've had some bad eating days lately. Today is one of those days too, that's why i decided on soup and crackers because that's one of my safe foods.

It's mostly Nick cooking though, i'm just kind of wrapping my arms around him and hugging him a lot while he does the cooking. He turns around and i snuggle into his chest "i love you and i'm proud of you my love" it melts my heart when Nick says that to me "i love you so much Nick" i kiss him. 

"Dinner is ready, do you want to get Luna and see if she wants to have dinner with us?" Nick asks and i nod my head while he starts setting the table. 

I knock on the door waiting for a response, but i don't get any. I open the door a little bit making sure she's not changing or anything and i don't wake her up in case she's sleeping but she's not. She's sitting on her bed staring at her lap or something. I open the door more "Luna hi do you want to have some dinner with us?" i ask her but she doesn't respond and i'm worried.

"Hey Lun are you okay?" she doesn't respond to me or even look at me. I come closer to her trying to make eye contact with her and then i see her, sitting with a blade in her hand. Her wrist is cut open and she's staring at it, lost in thought.

Now i'm worried as hell. I call Nick and he picks up immediately "upstairs now" i say in the most worried tone ever and he hangs up and i hear him run upstairs. Nick comes in and sees what's going on.