Lustful Alchemy

47. CASSANDRA

My heart pounds in my chest with a rhythm I cannot calm, like a war drum announcing an imminent battle. I've lost count of how many times I've woken up in a startle tonight, my breath short and my throat parched, fighting against an anxiety that seeps into my bones and keeps me anchored to reality. Now I stand before the mirror, staring at my reflection with a sense of estrangement. Is this how I look today? Dark circles under my eyes, a feverish gaze, pale lips pressed into a thin, uncertain line. A woman ready to be judged, fearing condemnation, no matter how unjust.

Yesterday, I turned twenty-nine. My birthday, which also marked the last day of the school year, slipped away without me being able to enjoy it, trapped in this web of thoughts. I had wanted to celebrate with my students, to toast to their successes, to hear them laugh and rejoice over the approaching summer. I had wanted to sit in the courtyard with Dinah and Mudiwa, commenting on the graduation ceremony with the lightheartedness that a completed school year should bring. And yet, no. I was there with them physically, but my mind was elsewhere. The thought of the trial wrapped around me like a shroud, suffocating me.

I study my reflection as if what I see is foreign to me, clutching the fabric of my skirt between my fingers. A faint noise behind me makes me start. I turn abruptly and find Aesop standing in the doorway, watching me contemplatively, his face softened by the care he has for me. He knows I haven't slept; he knows that every beat of my heart today is unbearably painful in its involuntary marking of the time separating me from my fate.

Aesop watches me for a long moment, leaving many things unsaid. I see in the way his eyes shine that he wants to speak, to reassure me, to tell me that everything will be fine. But the truth is, he doesn't know that for sure either.

When he finally speaks, his deep voice strives to keep me afloat. «I won't ask how you are. But I promise you're not alone, and I'll stay by your side for as long as necessary.»

I nod, unable to form an adequate response. The lump in my throat prevents me from speaking, but my gaze conveys my gratitude. I take a deep breath and don't hesitate. Rip off the bandage, take the pain head-on. «Shall we go?»

He nods in turn. Without another word, we open the door to our quarters and set off through the corridors of the Faculty Tower. Each step echoes in my head, marking the time that separates me from the courtroom.

When we step out into the Hogwarts grounds, the crisp morning air greets me with a biting embrace. The sun has been up for about an hour, yet its light fails to bring the reassuring warmth I long for. The sky is an unnatural white, almost blinding, and its brightness makes me feel exposed, vulnerable. As if the entire universe were bearing witness to what is about to happen, as if there were no place left to hide.

Everything around me seems frozen in a strange stillness. The trees stand motionless, the grass covered in a thin layer of dew that reflects the light with an almost unnatural intensity. The path leading to the gates seems longer than usual, each step heavier than the last.

Aesop walks beside me, his presence a beacon in the storm raging inside me. I know he is here, ready to support me, but I can't shake the fear tightening in my stomach. Time feels distorted, unreal. Every breath is an echo, every heartbeat a deafening toll in my head.

We reach the gates and cross them, stepping once again beyond Hogwarts, this time without its familiar walls to protect us. But there is nowhere left to run.

I take a deep breath as I drink the potion that will allow me to Apparate without consequences. Aesop takes my hand, and in the blink of an eye, Hogwarts is gone.

The air is still in the secluded alley in London where I emerge from the pull of Apparition. My legs tremble slightly, but my breathing is steady, even though my heart is still racing wildly in my chest. Aesop doesn't give me time to say anything—his gaze scrutinizes me intently, as if making sure I'm still in one piece.