The Art of Loving and Losing

Next Chapter

"This was the very first page, not where the story line ends. My heart will echo your name until I see you again." - Taylor Swift

Tomorrow will be a year since the day you left. You thought it would be the end of the story. You closed a chapter, moved on without me. But what you didn't know was that my side of the story continued.

That November 14th wasn't when the book closed. It was the very first page of something new. Sure, it started with me crying on the floor of the bathroom, locking myself up in my room with Red (Taylor's Version) on repeat, writing innumerable poems, and pounding on punching bags at the gym. But that led to something more beautiful than the plot I was creating with you.

Today I am on the floor threading beads through strings, creating friendship bracelets with a red headed girl. We write words that reflect our wistful souls, offer promises of friendship, and dab at old wounds. In the living room we have the record player on with Midnights playing softly in the background. We sing along to our favorite lyrics as we work tirelessly. Sometimes finished bracelets fall to the floor before they are tied. But the brief disappointment and frustration is followed by laughter and starting all over again. It's trial and error, but we're learning. No point in being too hard on ourselves. That's what we have learned in this new era.

Liz makes for herself a "Bejeweled" bracelet. It's the mark of a girl who still thinks of herself beautiful even after a horrid breakup. When she ended her relationship with Evan, she tore her heart but regained a piece of her soul.

"I just didn't feel the relationship inside of me anymore," she said the night we were walking down Rittenhouse after she broke up with him in the morning. In the evening, I took her out to dinner at our favorite Italian place. After indulging in delicious pasta and glasses of white wine, we decided to go for a nighttime stroll. "I love him, but he's not who I envision myself being with. And I don't want to change him. I just don't understand why I feel this way because we have so many shared interests and like the same things."

The fall night was chilly but clear. Sparkling white Christmas lights hung between streetlamps and trees lit our path. "Sometimes people have a lot in common and they work on paper," I told her. "But circumstances and moments in time can make things fall apart even when you seem to click like perfect puzzle pieces. Maybe if he weren't so stressed with completing his PhD and it were a better time in his life you would have worked out."

"I suppose. But it still hurts. Even when I know breaking up is right." She kicked on the small stones on the ground, her boots scraping against the concrete. I could feel the pain she was hiding behind her brave words. I've felt that pain too.

The bracelets I create are pink, red, and blue. They are my three 'A's: "Archer", "All Too Well", "Anti-Hero". They symbolize my perception of friendship, the memory of losing you, and accepting my worst parts.

"This was such a great idea," says Liz as she completes her "Willow" bracelet. She is a mystical being, whimsical in her nature. The kind of girl that revels walking barefoot on the grass. She's always looking for the next adventure, most of the time one that connects her to nature. She has learned how to listen to the whisper of the trees and give in to the flow of the breeze taking her where she needs to be. It's in the outdoors where she has learned to listen to herself. Somehow nature has taught her to look inwards and find the Truth within. She still has her doubts, like any human, but she is on her way to knowing what is right and wrong for herself. She just listens to her body. The voice of God speaks within it.

I raise my coffee mug filled with green tea. "For our friendship. May we continue to build and honor it and stay close forever." She lifts her own mug, and we clink them together.