The Only One | Negan

22. Cry

Eventually after what felt like hours, we decided to lay on one of the empty tarps on the floor. I stared at the cameras and couldn't stop the terrible feeling that rose in my chest.

"They know." I whispered. I couldn't tell why my intuition and instincts were telling me that but I felt like ants were crawling underneath my skin.
Negan was lying on his back, hands beneath his head. His eyes were closed but I knew he was awake and on guard.

"Stop it." He sighed, not opening his eyes.

I shifted in the terribly gross sheets nervously. All the other people in the hall were asleep or at least I thought so. The only lit lamp was casting eerie shadows all over the place.

"If they find out, they will kill us. We are outnumbered, the two of us against what? Five hundred soldiers?" I whispered angrily.

He opened one of his eyes to look at me.

"Negan, I'm scared."

This was the first time ever I openly said I was afraid in front of him. I never even showed any fear. Not when we killed walkers, not people. Not when both of us nearly died, more than once. Never. But, seeing these people, the numbers they had, the guns they had - it all made me scared shitless. Because if we were to be discovered, that would put in danger not only the Sanctuary but also Alexandria. We were outnumbered and outgunned in all cases. And those people - they swallowed up communities like ours, killed and took what they needed. Like they did with Justin's community. I was sure now it was them, their troops matched the description he gave.
Besides, no one knew where we were, not even the lieutenants in the Sanctuary. I wondered if they had teams organized to go searching for their leader already or if they waited for him to be done with his so-called "work".

Negan sighed and turned on his side to face me. The distance between us was so small that our faces were just inches from one another. Even in the poor light, I could see every brown freckle in his hazel eyes, every strand of his salt and pepper beard, every little concerned wrinkle when he knitted his brows together.

"I can't believe my ears." He whispered back. "My fearless little war goddess is scared?"

I rolled my eyes at the smirk that danced on his face.
Then he took my hand and placed a gentle kiss on my knuckles. That soft gesture took me by surprise but I didn't pull away. He intertwined our fingers.

"Listen. I would never ever let anything happen to you. They would have to go through me first." He said quietly, his expression soft. I never knew I'd see him like this, that side of him. I never knew it even existed, not until I got so close to him, not before the past few months. And only when he was alone with me.

"I believe in your skills, boss, but I don't think you can handle a hundred troopers. Also, I'm not scared for myself. I'm scared for our people." I said and moved closer so that our knees were touching. I needed the warmth as the hall was freezing cold and the fact that we were lying on the floor on just a nasty tarp didn't help.

"No harm will come to them. You know the plan, stick to the plan. You're a goddamn soldier and a good one at that. You can do this." He reassured me but still, his words didn't ease the ball of tension in my guts.

"But what if they find out? That we are not alone? This community...they are bigger than us. They will torture us to scoop the information out. We both know it will eventually come out - whereabouts, everything. We both did that to other people." I whispered angrily.

"Babygirl, there isn't a person that can scoop the information out of me. Not even my own methods could." He chuckled. "So don't you worry your pretty little head. Let's find out what we came to find out and then we leave. After that, we come for them guns blazing and they won't see it coming. Alright? Go to sleep now, you need to rest and be fresh as a cucumber tomorrow."