Fifty Shades Of Red | Charles Leclerc

37. Traitors

Charles' pov

Present

It feels like I've been driving in circles for the past 35 laps. My mind everywhere but at the track in front of me. I'm surprised I haven't managed to crash yet, but my body has switched to auto-pilot, taking the turns and speeding on it's own and not because I know the Monaco track by heart, but because of the earlier events that took place.

"You're dead to me."

Her words...those gut wrenching words, that haven't left my head ever since they came out from her lips...from those beautiful lips that comforted me only a few days ago when I was at my lowest, those same lips dug up an open grave for me.

I curse myself. I curse myself a million times for causing her pain when I said I'd never hurt her. I curse myself for stealing the smile on her face that would bright up my day and replacing it with tears instead.

My fingers grip the steering wheel tighter as I try to deter these thoughts away but with every corner I turn is Hailey's face I see. She's all I see. Her broken image haunting me, making my open, bleeding wounds hurt more, bleed more.

"I almost wish we never met."

I blink fast, turning the wheel slightly just at the right time to avoid crashing with Ocon.

I feel helpless...I felt helpless, watching my entire world fall apart and all I could do was just that...stare as it crumbled into nothing. She wished she could go back...she wished we would have never met but here I am, not regretting a single moment believing that she is right for me.

Is...was?

Did I absolutely ruin it? Did my hot temper put me in a middle of a war that I won't come out of alive? No winning chances, no happy endings?

Do us traitors never win?

I'm stupid for hoping that Hailey will be able to look past this. Past what I did. I'm stupid for hoping that she'll forgive me, because I know that what I've done is utterly unforgivable and if I could go back and erase everything, if it meant that I'd get to have her in the end, if it meant that I'd never lose her, I would in a heartbeat.

Hope breeds eternal misery, but here I am, still hopping it's her and me in the end...us.

Us. I chuckle, feeling my eyes burn as the road in front of me becomes blurry. Maybe, there never was an 'us'. Maybe she wasn't mine to lose at all. Maybe...it's our almost that will haunt me forever. Having to see her face everywhere and know that she's not mine, that she wants nothing to do with me.

And to think that I wasn't even searching for her in the first place. I wasn't even looking for love. I just wanted to get that championship under my belt, but she strolled down the paddock like a hurricane, completely turning my life upside down. What a plot twist she was.

Her entire being made me angry and frustrated and confused, but most importantly...

She made me feel.

My father, he taught me not to hate my enemies...but I just never thought I'd fall in love with one.

Since she came into my life, all those romance movies and romantic songs just started making sense. I can't even listen to 'Yellow' now without thinking of her. I know she didn't say anything in return but that doesn't change how I feel.

I love her. And that's the beginning and the end of everything.

"Charles, do you think we can pick up some speed?" The voice on the radio brings my attention back on track, making me realise how far behind I'm still, which is not helping my case.