21 - It's time

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In the morning, Hyunjin finds himself sitting in a chair

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In the morning, Hyunjin finds himself sitting in a chair. The taste in his mouth is so bad, and his neck hurts from uncomfortable position he slept in.
He goes to the bathroom and looks at the mirror.
He looks anything but happy.

- It's over. - he says to the mirror.

He'll now get out and say it. It's over. There's no point dragging this any longer. He caught feelings for someone else, and his heart is not in this relationship any more. He'd rather see Felix once in a year than continue this love story where he doesn't really trust his lover, or can't give him what he wants.

A memory pops up in his head. It was Eun's birthday party, and Sam, his manager, got very friendly with Hyunjin. Was he the only person who didn't know Eun and Hyunjin were together? Or maybe he knew and wanted to break them up?
Doesn't matter.

Sam gave Hyunjin a side hug, as if they were best friends forever, and said:
"I know how to take care of my boys.
I always provide what they want. No matter what they want to try or experience, I make sure they get it. In each city we visit, I always deliver. I bet your manager doesn't do that. If you have a special taste for certain things, certain preferences in bed or something unique, you just tell me, yeah?"

He didn't care about Sam's self praise back then, but now all these little details keep coming back and bring more doubt between them.

Before ending this one and only relationship he ever had, with person who knows everything about him, before he loses courage - he opens up his phone and once more searches for Felix's pretty photo...
which can't be found... anywhere.
There are no messages.
There is no number.

He exits the bathroom and sees Eun all dressed and looking gorgeous as always. His famous smile is still hard to resist, and those flirty eyes are the eyes that used to make him blush.

One look is all it takes, and Eun knows exactly what Hyunjin thinks.

- Don't say it.... Hyunjin...

- We're done, Eun. I don't want to do this any more.

- I knew it. You fell for this guy, Jinnie... you shouldn't have gotten emotionally involved!

- I know.
But I want to be emotionally involved,
I don't want to experience anything with a stranger.
It works for you, and that's just fine. But not for me.

- I love you, you know I do.
That one time with a stranger meant nothing to me. It was a stupid mistake.

- I know.
But you should explore what else you love and want, without me. It would be fake of me to try it out, I really don't want to do it.
And we can't pretend that I give you everything you want.
We just need to take separate paths from here. There is someone who wants to explore the same things you do, I'm sure.

- This is not just about my betrayal, you know that. You lied to me too. You saved his photo, and I get it why you didn't want to show it to me. He's good looking.
Tell me...

- What?

- Did he stay the whole night? Did he sleep in your bed?

- He did.
He stayed in the morning too.

Eun closes eyes and takes a deep breath.  The idea of Hyunjin having one affair to call it even - worked like a charm. He was definitely punished for his stupid indiscretion.
But seeing Hyunjin crashing on someone else... that is worse than anything.

- I hate it, Hyunjin, I hate your words, and I hate what you did.
An emotional affair is not what we agreed on. It's killing me.

- I know. It wasn't supposed to be that way. I see now that we're not meant to be together any more.
At the end, we had many good years together, and I don't regret any of it. We loved each other, but it's time...

- It is. We need to go separate ways, and try something with other people.

Hyunjin gives a timid smile one more time, then turns away and leaves.
All he wants right now is that little piece of paper with Felix's number on it. The letter he had inserted in the notebook.

And he definitely wants to know who's J. that Felix always writes to.

He wants to know everything about him, doesn't want to wait one minute longer!

*****

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