Red

CHAPTER 33.

The walk from the river was silent too silent.
Lorenzo was ahead of me, shirt slung over his shoulder, water still dripping from his chocolate hair. At the nape of his neck, his damp hair grip in soft, dark waves, droplets sliding down the skin beneath. His jaw was tight the whole way, the muscles clenched under the skin.

What he said back there...It stayed in my head.

You're still holding onto the past that you can't see what's in front of you, dolce.

His words hit deeper than I wanted to admit and my heart clenches solely because it was true. He dipped his head through the wooden door entrance, his frame slipping through and I followed. When we reached the back of the estate, he stopped.

His phone buzzed and he answered without looking at me.

"Yeah?"

A beat of silence came and I watched him, watch as he stood there with his shoulders tight and broad. Rafael's voice spilled through the crackle of the line deep and tense.

"...we've got a problem at Club Sin. It's urgent. You need to come."

My stomach dropped and I prayed it wasn't something that was in any relation to my identity.

Club Sin was where I'd fought him. Where the spy he's been hunting...is me.

Lorenzo's expression sharpened immediately. And he muttered something then hang up the phone.

"I'm leaving." He paused then turned to me.

"Think about what we talked about."

His voice dipped low. "I mean it. Don't waste time... and don't think I'm kidding when I say you're not seeing what's right in front of you."

He held my stare, deep and it felt like he was dragging the truth out of me, like he wanted me to feel exactly who he meant...like if I didn't move on I'd miss out on having a real connection with him. Something deeper, something intense, something intoxicating like our dominant sparing.

"You'll regret it if you keep looking backwards."

And without waiting for a response, he turned and walked away inside. I followed, my lips parting to say something...to curse him out, to confess, to maybe...I don't know, maybe agree... but inside, I was panicking mixing with guilt.

I know if I showed up at Club sin tonight, he'd know. And the way Rafael spoke it felt as if something drastic was going to happen. And I know if I went, he'd feel it. I wasn't risking that.

He left without another word, only the sound of the door echoing in the living room as I stood there. I was left with the glimpse of his back lingering in my mind and I breathed out a shaky sigh and went upstairs, stripping in my room until I stepped under the cold water. River water washed away into the drain but the guilt didn't.

I tilted my head back, the water dipping into the creases of my eyes, burning me, a prickle of pain burning behind my eyes and I felt the pressure of the tears but I held them at bay...and I shook as his words followed me into the cold spurts of water, hauntingly.

You're going to wake up one day asking yourself why you didn't try harder to let go.

And God...I didn't know what scared me more.

Letting go or not being able to.

After dressing, still wrapped in what Lorenzo said, I checked on Xamuela. I always do this every night to make sure that she was safe. And as I opened the door, I rushed across the room to her as her tiny body twisted in the sheets, face scrunched, breath shaking.