Tainted Pages

Was it Really "Love?"

He said, "I DO NOT CARE IF YOU'RE GUILTY."

And I replied, "BUT I CARE. I CARE SO MUCH."

He said, "If you cared enough I would've never chosen you. I love you."

And I was silenced. Because no one loves me. And it was then that I realized, my flaws are MY flaws. No one else's. No one else cares. I am the only one whose head is tainted with fear of judgement. Now I realize he does love me and he never saw me for any of my flaws as I saw myself.

"You don't really love me." I denied, because I refused to believe love to a person like me was possible.

"Would I have died for someone I do not love?" He asked.

"Maybe you thought you loved me. But in reality you were just looking for a reason to give up the life you hated so much."

He stared at me with hurt in his eyes and I knew I had broken him. I had shattered his dead heart into a million pieces and now I lay by his unresponsive corpse waiting for him to say, "I love you," again. Because I did love him, but it was something I was never willing to admit. I denied till the very end and now he died thinking I never loved him and he never loved me.

Maybe I shouldn't have been so fucking stubborn. Maybe I should've accepted that someone could love me. Yet I didn't. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I could never take it back. This wasn't a little accident that could be easily mended. This was a tragedy that would never be forgotten. I would carry it in my heart for days to come, until I too would end up lying by his side. Maybe in the afterlife it will be easier for me to admit, that I loved him too.