Tainted Pages

The Biggest Treasure

I stood there listening to people say their speeches at her funeral. I looked up and noticed clouds forming in the sky but I brushed it off because the forecast said it was going to be sunny all day today. The sky turned gray and I could feel droplets landing on my exposed skin. I looked around and realized no one had brought umbrellas, including me. We had all assumed today would be the perfect day for a funeral. It was not.

The funeral was cut short because everyone who attended had either gotten soaked and or sick.

I visited her grave a few days later, completely angry. I kneeled down before her grave and bawled my eyes out. I knew I shouldn't. I knew it was childish of me but I still did it anyway. Words from my father echoed through my mind.

"Men don't cry. Don't be a pussy like everyone else."

I tried to force back the tears but they kept coming, so I thought about something she said.

"Cry all you want. Real men cry. Real men express their feelings. You are a real man."

I laughed when I remembered how that conversation had gone.

"You don't understand, if I cry and act like a coward then I'll be a little "bitch" to everyone I know."

She had shrugged her shoulders.

"Then be the bitch you were meant to be."

She ended up convincing me to cry and "let off some steam" that day.

Only she could do that. Only she could make me do things I didn't usually do. Now she is gone. Who was going to make me celebratory crepes after every one of my basketball games? Who was going to somehow make me wear a stupid duck onesie because she wanted to show how "cute" I looked to all of her friends? Oh how that girl loved showing me off to everyone she knew. Everyday she would pepper me with compliments and treated me like I was some sort of king. She would make me any meal I asked for and didn't mind when I had people over. (At the pricey cost that I gave her some attention regardless, of course.)

I thought we were perfect for each other. She was my other half, so why was she six feet deep and not me? It was all my fault she was dead anyways.

I had a basketball game and I wanted her to come to it. She told me she was busy but at the last minute I convinced her to come. On the way over she got into a terrible car accident and died. Because of me. She was speeding trying to get there quickly and died. It's all my fault.

Her funeral was also ruined because of me. I convinced everyone that we should do it on the 26th instead of the 28th because it "wasn't going to rain."

"Fuck! Why'd it have to rain today? Why does God hate me so much? Fuck, I'm so sorry." I said, smashing my fist against the ground.

"Any other fucking day..." I said, sobbing.

"It could've rained any other day. But it didn't and now I ruined your fucking funeral. Fuck!" I cursed, slamming my fists into my head.

"What's wrong?" An old lady asked.

I sighed and wiped away my tears.

"Nothing." I replied coldly.

"Go on you can tell me. I won't remember it soon anyway." She said, muttering the last part to herself.

I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever."

I thought to myself.

"It's my girlfriend. She's dead and her funeral got ruined. It's my fault." I quickly explained.