betty ↳ conrad fisher

forty-six.

Betty stared at the wooden doors of the chapel, her body shaking as she realized reality was on the other side of them. If she went in there Susannah was really dead. If she went in there she would have to face Conrad and Jeremiah. If she went in there she would have to face her guilt. She wasn't sure if she could do it.

"Come on boys." Betty couldn't even be excited her dad was home, he had come back for the funeral. He knew Susannah well, they had been neighbors for a long time. He was upset to hear of her passing, he had come back immediately to show support to Adam Fisher and his boys.

Nick and Noah walked past Betty, the girl unable to find the courage to venture inside herself. She stared at the wood and knew that whatever lie on the other side would be horrific, it would be devastating, and it would be challenging. She knew Jeremiah was on the other side. She knew Belly was on the other side. She knew Steven was there. She wasn't sure if she could go in anymore. Conrad was in there. Not only was he in there but he was in unimaginable pain, he was suffering...he was suffering and she couldn't support him. She felt the guilt return and she hung back for a moment as her parents and brothers headed inside.

She watched as their suits and her mothers black dress disappeared through the doors, her lips tightening as she looked down at the scar on her hand. It was faint and hardly visible but sometimes it soothed her to run her thumb over the slightly raised skin. Sometimes it made her feel better to focus on something else. Betty was no good with funerals. When her grandmother had died it was the first funeral she had even been to, she was 10...it was the first time she had really truly understood the concept of death. She hated the feeling that seeing the wooden chapel doors gave her. She hated—

"Betty?" Her body turned quickly and she looked back, a gasp leaving her lips as her flushed face turned at  who had called her name. She was surprised to see it was Jeremiah, his eyes wet and his skin paler than usual. He looked sickly, like he surely was suffering and she was sure he was...this was his mothers funeral. Her lips parted but they bore no reply, the girl just staring at him with some sort of apologetic expression.

They stood in silence for a moment before finally he let out a deep breath, and she saw his lip tremble. The tremble of his lip set off a chain reaction in her, Betty rushing back down the three steps to meet him. She pulled him strongly into her arms, she couldn't think to do anything else...she didn't know what to say.  He accepted her embrace, burying his face deep into her neck as he let out a sob. She held the back of his head as he cried, she figured he was outside for the same reason as her...too scared to enter—too real.

"I didn't think you'd come. I didn't—I need you here. I needed you to be here." He mumbled into her neck and she wanted to cry herself as he crumbled in her arms. They had been friends for years, things had changed since she went away to college.

"I'm here. I'm here." She replied, running her hand over the back of her hair. They hugged for only a moment more before he pulled back, Betty offering him a pained smile. She lifted her hand and pushed a runaway tear from his eye, the boy nodding gratefully and then turning to stand beside her. He gripped her hand... and it his her suddenly that they were the same in this situation. They were the ones who hadn't been chosen. She had forgotten how he felt about Belly...they were in the same situation. She squeezed his hand and they started up the rest of the stairs, Jeremiah letting out a hard breath as she reached for the door. The man on the other side held it open for them and she kept her head straight, pulling Jeremiah towards the front row where he needed to be seated with his family.

The closer they got to the front she realize Conrad was sitting in the front row, of course he was. Adam Fisher seemed to be relieved when he saw Jeremiah was inside, Betty leading him towards the row they were sitting on. She felt responsible now for making sure he made it there, Betty walked past Adam and drawing the attention of Conrad Fisher who was staring down at his shoes. Her black heels followed by his brothers shoes made him lift his head, his stomach dropping even further as he looked up.

His heart gave two hard beats when he saw her, her auburn hair pulled back and perfectly sitting against her shoulders. She turned her head and looked to Jeremiah, Conrad's eyes falling from the back of her head to their conjoined hands. His heart skipped a beat as she reached up, pressing a kiss to Jeremiah's cheek. Her mouth moved and she spoke to him, but Conrad couldn't hear what she had said, the girl leaving Jeremiah to sit. Conrad wasn't finished looking at her though, he was finished processing that she had showed up. He turned his head shamelessly and watching as she walked towards her seat, she was sitting 5 rows back.

Belly Conklin was seated in the second row, her head lifted as she stared at the picture of Susannah. Her eyes were naturally drawn to Conrad and she watched as his whole body turned to look at something, her lips parting and her eyes moving to follow what it was. Her breath stopped momentarily as she followed his gaze, the shine of auburn hair telling her exactly who he was staring at. Her throat dried as she saw the Graham family a few rows back, Betty speaking quietly to her brother. Bellys eyes turned back to Conrad but he was still looking, a devastate expression on his face as he stared. Finally some piano music started to play, the chatter in the room cutting out as the funeral began. Still it took him longer than she had expected to draw his eyes away, and she wondered what was going through his head as he stared back at her.

Belly had always known how he loved her, how he pined and yearned for her. Even while they were together he still spoke of her, she knew part of him still belonged to Betty Graham. And when they had broken up...she knew part of him was relieved.

The sound of the pastors voice pulled everyone's attention and Conrad tried to free his mind of Betty's appearance. He didn't know why he had thought she wouldn't come—of course she would. Susannah and Betty were close once. A long time ago. Of course she would be there.

Betty wasn't afraid to shed a few tears during the ceremony, it was hard to hear the pastor speak of Susannah. It was hard to comprehend that she was really gone. Summer would never be the same without her. She couldn't keep herself from crying when she thought of all of the good memories she had made with Susannah. She couldn't keep herself from crying when she realized none of them would ever be the same.

The pastors eulogy led into Conrad standing from his seat, a guitar that had been placed by a chair finally having meaning as he sat in the chair and picked up the guitar. Betty held her breath as he lifted the guitar and got ready to play, her stomach turning painfully as he spoke.

"This is the song she always asked me to play for her." Betty couldn't help but stare right at him, her heart dropping into her stomach when his eyes met hers. He began to strum the guitar, a sick feeling in her stomach when he began to sing. It felt wrong...all of this felt wrong—there was no way that Susannah was dead. There was no way this was her funeral and Conrad was singing and Jeremiah was crying.  "Excuse me."

His voice broke as he sang and her heart broke with it, and the guilt began to seep in once again, her lungs feeling tight like she couldn't take in a full breath. She had left him in his time of need...and now she had had the nerve to show up at the funeral and cry. It all felt wrong. She felt wrong.

The song ended and his eyes met hers again, the expression in them something she couldn't translate. His eyes then shifted to Belly who was a few rows ahead of her, and Betty felt even guiltier when she felt a stroke of jealousy. She had no right to be jealous. It was her fault they weren't together.  Yet she did...knowing they were still together. Knowing that Conrad and Belly had attended prom together, that they had kissed, that they had spent time together that she hadn't spent with him. That she had been the one there for him when everything happened. Parts of her old self were screaming at her that it wasn't her who had been there.

Betty didn't realize the service was over until her brother pulled her arm, Noah looking down at her with a nervous face. Everyone around them was standing but her, and his pulling didn't make her get up. Instead she soaked it in for a moment, knowing she would never see Susannah again. Knowing that once they left this chapel...everything would change. She let out a shaky breath and then finally she stood, catching a glimpse of Conrad Fisher, his eyes already stuck to her as she was led out of the chapel by her mother. She needed to speak to him, she needed to tell him she was sorry. She would wait until the funeral reception. She would wait until she could get him alone. She didn't know that Belly had plans to stay stuck to his side.