I'm Not Her

Chapter 18: I'm Not Who You Thought I Was

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Chapter 18:

I wanted to turn around and run. I wanted to run as far away as I could because seeing Zayn's face before me already hurt. The last thing I wanted to do was tell him, but I didn't want to hurt him either. I didn't want him to think that the love that he had wasn't true.

"Did you dye your hair blonde again?" Zayn asked. That's right...Perrie's hair was pink now and mine stayed blonde. I was never one to dye my hair an unatural color, mostly because I never looked good. Perrie, somehow, managed to pull it off.

"No...Um...I'm Penelope, Perrie's sister," I said. It was so hard for me to say it though. I knew that he wouldn't put the pieces together and that I'd have to explain everything for him. I was a nervous wreck and I could feel my heart racing. 

The room suddenly got cold and I felt just a bit lightheaded. I couldn't do this. I could not do this. I turned around, eyeing the door behind me. All I had to do was take a few steps backwards and make a run for it. Get out of this damn hotel and get away from Zayn.

I wanted to run far far away. I wanted to take an airplane to Africa because it just seemed like a better choice. Zayn didn't say anything for a while and I felt as if I was about faint. I backed up against the wall and leaned against it, trying to keep my body upright. 

"I thought your hair was purple..." Zayn's forehead creased in confusion and I would be confused too. If I were ever in a situation like this. Being a twin was a handful. I'd rather be Perrie's younger sister rather than a twin. 

"Oh god, I can't do this," I gasped. I clutched my head to try and stop my head from pounding feriously. The crazy voices in my head kept telling me:

Tell him.

It's for your own good. 

You LOVE him for God's sakes!

"Hey, Penelope," Zayn said with worry in his voice, "are you alright?" He had gotten up and advanced towards me.

I wasn't alright though. I was about to tell Zayn a secret that I never thought I'd have to tell. I thought this little switch with Perrie would be meaningless and just a favor, but it took a turn for the worst. I was in love and I hated it. I hated it so much because of the pain it gave me.

I backed away from Zayn. "I can't do this. I can't do this," I kept repeating. My hand wrapped around the doorknob and I was close to running out the door and never stopping. I didn't even care if I was in heels that'd break if I ran. I wanted to leave and never have to look into Zayn's eyes again because I knew if I did, I'd break.

But I didn't want to be weak. I didn't want to run away from all my problems like Perrie did. She ran away from the publicity stunt because she was weak. She couldn't do it so she made me step in for her. She was weak at that point. 

"Penelope, what the hell is going on? Or are you Perrie trying to mess with my head?" Zayn yelled out in frustration. I could tell that he was confused and I sure as hell would be too. His eyes were angry and his fists were balled up.

"I swear, I'm not Perrie," I told him.

"How can I be sure?" Zayn questioned.

"Can I just explain why I'm here please? And I'm pretty sure you're going to hate me after I do this," I said. I walked away from the door and sat down on the bed, sighing. 

Zayn quietly approached me and sat next to me. We were close, so close that our legs were touching. I clenched my teeth together, telling myself that it didn't bother me. It was hard for me to form words when we were so close together.