I'm Not Her

Chapter 40: I'm Not Letting You Go

I think I've tortured y'all long enough...

Chapter 40:

When a guy shows up at your doorstep, with a bouquet of beautiful red roses, a normal girl's reaction would be like fainting or squealing or kissing him right on the lips and then telling him how much you loved him or something like that. They would probably open the door wide and drag the boy in and then have like a heavy makeout session with him or something equivalent to that. 

But we could all agree that I was far from a normal girl. So we all know already that I didn't do any of the things I had just listed. No, not at all. I was never one for being like other girls- never. Normal was boring, but it had its downsides.

I slammed the door in his face and pressed my back against the door, sliding down onto the floor. He was right there. He was on the other side of this door. He was...and he had roses. He had freaking roses. How much more romantic could you get than that?

Chocolate...that was pretty romantic. Godiva chocolates were always the best especially for Valentine's Day. Or a birthday. Or Christmas. Or any random day.

At this point, with my heart beating so quickly, I was so sure I was going to die right here and then. Maybe I was just delusional. It had been a long day at work and for all I knew, it could've been some girl scout that I slammed the door on because my eyes deceived me.

I totally imagined a tall dark haired man as a little girl with cookies. Maybe I should look into a mental hospital because I, and many others, would like to know what went on inside my head. Actually, I didn't even want to know what went on inside my head because it would probably make absolutely no sense at all anyways.

Maybe it was some guy looking for directions to his girlfriend's flat and he had a bouquet of roses for her, and me being the idiot I was thought it was Zayn. Recently, all I was thinking about was Zayn so it was a pretty good chance that I was just starting to see him everywhere. There was no way he'd just fly all the way over here to Los Angeles just to see me. From England all the way to here? The flight was long- I knew that for a fact.

Why me?

That was a question I constantly asked myself. I wasn't like my sister- outgoing and just full of life. I wasn't funny and quirky like her. I wasn't as talented as her. 

After what I had done to him, telling him to leave, how could he return? How could he just show up on my doorstep after I kinda of in a way told him to leave from my life forever. That seemed to be the message I had been sending him. He even left my hotel room feeling a bit dejected. 

If it were me in his place, I wouldn't want to show up again. I'd think that I'd be humiliated again- not that it was my intention to humiliate Zayn. No, that wasn't it at all. I had regretted telling him to leave and I was still regretting even right now.

Something I would never understand: what went through a male's mind. They probably felt the same anyways. 

Slowly, I got up from the ground, my hand trembling as I touched the doorknob. It probably wasn't him. It was probably just some poor guy that had a door slammed in his face. Aw now I felt bad. The more I told myself it wasn't Zayn, the more I believed it.

I sighed and turned the knob, opening the door, not really knowing what I was hoping for. A stranger? Zayn? I wasn't even in the mood to care anymore. It was late and I wanted to go to sleep now. But then I'd have to clean up the living room- all my popcorn and other food. I wouldn't be able to go to bed without cleaning it all up. 

I'd tell the person behind the door that I needed to sleep and then shut the door again. It wasn't Zayn. It couldn't be. There was no way.

The second time I opened the door, it was still Zayn holding a bouquet of roses. It was too perfect- way too perfect. This couldn't be true.