I'm Not Her

Epilogue

Epilogue:

The house was silent for now, but soon enough, joyous and loud voices would fill the room. Everything was already ready. The Christmas tree was propped up in the corner, shining brightly with its many white lights twinkling like the stars, wrapping around the tree from the top where the angel was down to the bottom where the stump was. There were dozens of presents wrapped in every color you could imagine at the very bottom of the tree, ready to be opened tonight when Christmas came at midnight.

Outside, it was snowing lightly. It wasn't falling down hard and creating a blizzard that would wreck Christmas, but it was nice to the point where children would play outside, making snowmen and having fun snow ball fights, an activity I was too old for now. I remembered my first Christmas in this house. There had been a blizzard that day, shutting off all the lights.

I moved into this house right after my wedding day. I had gotten engaged the day after I finished shooting the last season ever of my first TV show series. I had been upset back at home in my flat- upset that I wouldn't spend a lot of time with Kylie anymore and even Carter. At the time, I had been about twenty-two years old. The years had flown by quicker than I had ever imagined.

The story was actually quite funny. I didn't know Zayn would be visiting- he never really told me when he'd visit anyways. We were still together of course, but it was a stretched relationship. He would be in one country and I'd be in the other. The first year we were together, we spent less than half the year in the same city. It was rocky, yes, but we managed. We both agreed that I'd move back to London after the TV show ended since I had an audition for the lead in a movie in London anyways later that month. I was moving my career to London permanently.

I was moping around the flat, the one I had been residing in for two years already, and at that time, cardboard boxes were littered everywhere. Most were already taped shut with my messy handwriting scrawled on it to label stuff like kitchenware, blankets, pillows, etc... It was upsetting, packing away two years' worth of memories. Each place had a memory within itself. The sofa was a place where I always ate my ice cream on. That area right next to the window in the living room was where I read The Fault in Our Stars by John Green and finished it on night...then preceding to cry over it as well. Everywhere was just memories.

I sat on my sofa, contemplating life and procrastinating. It would be nice to move in with Zayn in London- share our own flat. Finally being together especially after such a long time of seeing each other here and then there. Moving in with him was a big step, one that I was willing to take. Every time each of us had a break though, we'd fly out and stay with the other for as long as we could. We basically already did live with each other. Why not make it official?

So when the doorbell rang that day, I didn't expect to see Zayn on the other side of the door with yet another bouquet of red roses. It was our thing now. Him showing up at my door with a bouquet of red roses, not that I was complaining. They were absolutely lovely. I never had a favorite kind of flower up until then...well maybe I had always loved roses- Zayn just made me love them more.

I knew something was up when he told me we were going on a date. On a yacht. It was much like that day years ago when we did the same thing, even if he was afraid of the water. That was when I knew how much he loved me- he'd put away his fear for me. The fear wasn't as bad anymore, but he still wore the life vest when we boarded it. Of course he took it off during our dinner, but he kept it right next to him just in case. 

The yacht didn't sail, but it was in the same place. It wasn't exactly the same as before, since we were in Los Angeles instead of London, but the affect was the same nevertheless. We basically remade the date, which was quite romantic actually. I thought it was just him being overly romantic, but...well we knew what happened. It was an old trick in the book, yet I didn't see it coming. Maybe it had been a long day or I wasn't even thinking of our first time doing that. Clueless was one way to describe me that day.