I'm Not Her

Chapter 37: I'm Not Living With These Lies

Chapter 37:

"And then he screamed that he loved me off a freaking balcony! Who on earth does that? I mean I wouldn't be as frustrated if he kinda whispered it, but he screamed it for the whole of London to hear!" I shoved another spoonful of Bluebell vanilla ice cream in my mouth before speaking again into the phone. "God, he makes me feel things that I'd rather not feel right now. Especially from him." My phone was resting between my ear and shoulder. It was uncomfortable and yes, I could be on speaker, but it seemed a little more dramatic this way. Drama...always finding its way back to me... "And then...I accidently told him that I loved him and I made the pathetic excuse that I loved my rabbit Sue because it rhymed with 'you' like who does that? I'm a horrible excuse for a human being. I could've thought of something better, but no, I had to go along with that. I'm an idiot. I am an idiot."

"I really don't know how to reply to that," Kylie chuckled, "that's a lot to take in even thought that's kinda hilarious. You're the only person I know that can get into this kinda of drama." There it is with drama again.

"And that doesn't help me! God, I should've bought more ice cream. This isn't enough. I mean it was on sale and everything. I should've bought another," I grumbled, "I knew it was a good idea to have gotten the cookie dough as well. Oooh, and the mint chocolate chip. The container is even a pretty color. Dammit."

"Pen!" Kylie scolded. "Stop with the ice cream. This is your second one already. Those things are enormous. Stop before you get fat. Seriously. And as for advice...I don't know follow your heart? God, that's shitty advice."

"Yeah! It is! And then there's Carter who I have to deal with and oh my god! Kylie I cheated on Carter. I cheated on Carter. Holy crap I cheated on Carter. No, no, no. I don't cheat. I just don't. That's not what I do. I can not be a cheater. Nope, no. Nope, nope, nope. I-I-"

"You did what?" Kylie screamed. "You kissed Zayn. I repeat, you kissed Zayn Malik?"

"I did I did I did," I groaned, "and then there's that kissing scene we're shooting tomorrow with Carter. God no I can't. I can't live with this. Kylie, can I die? That sounds like a great idea right now!"

"Penelope Larissa Edwards," Kylie ordered, "you listen here and you listen good. You are going to tell Carter what happened, and if he wants to end things, you go ahead and end things. And if you're heartbroken, you're heartbroken. I believe that things happen for a reason. I don't believe in coincendences. Because if you two really and truly love each other, things will turn out good for you. Let fate take it's toll, but you have to be truthful. I promise that's what's best for you."

"Last time I told the truth, that boy tore my heart out and stomped on it until my heart was in little tiny pieces... They're basically microscopic. You can't seem them. They're tiny and scattered...and they're slowly mending...but you get my point. The truth sucks," I moaned.

"But Zayn and Carter are two totally different people. Honestly, I think the problem is that you and Carter a little too alike. Have you ever heard of opposites attract? You need someone that balances you out. When I met Carter...he reminded me of the male version of you. Almost as if he were your brother or something. It was weird. The pair of you seemed to alike and too perfect to actually be real. Maybe the world is trying to tell you something Pen. Are you even listening or are you eating that ice cream still?"

"I'm listening, but I'm still eating ice cream. Why not? I like it. It's really good."

"You're gonna get fat."

"Thanks for the encouragement," I sarcastically said, "that was so needed." But I appreciated these rude comments. This was how I liked her to be.

Honest.