South Park Oneshots & Texts

Fast on the Draw - Kenny x Reader (Cowboys AU)

"Y/n!"

I woke up to fists pounding on my bedroom door. My roommate Red was always up earlier than me, and my days often began this way.

"What?!"

"Wake up, you're gonna be late!"

Daggone it.

I opened my eyes and sunlight poured through the gap in the plaid curtains. I leapt out of bed and opened my door.

"What time is it?"

"Time for you to git, girl!" Red was already dressed and I could tell that she was heading to work. She taught horseback riding lessons to kids in town, and I was often envious of her job. She got to do what she loved, with cute kids, while I was stuck slinging sasparilla at Skeeter's for drunken cowboys.

I rolled my eyes and shut my door, haphazardly pulling the curlers out of my hair and swapping my nightgown for my usual work uniform, a collared blue ankle-length dress and a white apron. I pulled on my stockings and boots, and rushed out of our apartment.

"Nice of you to show up, y/n," Skeeter called to me as I burst through the saloon doors. Skeeter's saloon opened at 10am, and I usually worked open to close.

"Sorry!"

I hurriedly stepped behind the bar and wrote my name on the attendance sheet. My coworker Kyle was already signed in, and usually showed up early, which only made me look later every day.

As I read his name on the sheet, Kyle popped out from the kitchen where he worked as a line cook. Kyle was one of the smartest guys in town, but we only needed a handful of smart men to keep the dusty little town of South Park running, and it left almost no opportunity for people like Kyle unless they wanted to move to the big city. His father Gerald was one of the big names in town, a lawyer, and Kyle dreamed of following in his footsteps, but being a man of the law also meant to wear a target on your back, because South Park was a hub for transient bandits and rustlers just itching to even a score.

"Good morning, y/n!" Kyle cheerfully waved to me as he tied his wild red curls up into a bandana to keep them out of his face while he cooked.

"Hey," I meekly replied, feeling the rush of adrenaline leaving my body since I was no longer running late for work. Now I was just tired and dreading the next 12 hours.

Skeeter's paid relatively well, considering the amount of vagrants and criminals that frequented the establishment. It was high-risk, high-reward. Thankfully, the dangerous crowd only came in at night, and we saw the usual townsfolk during the daylight hours.

My first customer of the day was Eric Cartman, like always. He made sure to be first in the door every morning to get the freshest breakfast that money could buy, and he always teased poor Kyle for having to make it for him.

He heaved his weight up onto the barstool and before I could greet him, started barking his order at me. "Coffee with cream and sugar, two orders'a hotcakes, extra-"

"I know, Cartman, extra butter and syrup, five eggs fried over easy, two biscuits, and a bowl of gravy." I had his order memorized at this point, since he was literally here every single morning.

"Woman, I should throw you behind bars for talkin' over a man!"

Oh yeah, and somehow, Cartman was one of the sheriff's deputies in town. Between Sheriff Barbrady and Deputy Cartman, I swore they only hired morons. I sure wouldn't miss either of them if they were struck down in a high noon gunfight... I always imagined scenarios like that where Kyle would become the new Sheriff and finally clean up this town. He had a good heart and a sharp mind that was going to waste in a small town like this.