South Park Oneshots & Texts

Home Run - Kenny x Reader

You're a kickass softball player and the captain of your team.

Too bad you hated the sport with a burning passion. The only thing worse than the actual game itself was how your father, Tom Nelson AKA "BatDad", acted in the stands. There was nothing you hated more than hearing him drunkenly cheer you on as you pitched, and then get thrown out of the game for fighting with the other team's dads.

You and the other softball-hating girls on your team worked hard to lose every game of your entire season, but your twin brother's baseball team wasn't so lucky. They had won every game so far, up until the Denver Nationals this weekend at Coors Stadium. You were dreading having to spectate, sitting next to your obnoxious father, but at least it was better than actually having to play.

Your brother's Denver team was set to play against a small town team from South Park. You only hoped that they actually wanted to win, so that your brother could be put out of his misery and enjoy his summer. Summer when you're 17 is meant to be spent driving around blasting music with your friends, going to parties, and having a summer fling, not fantasizing about getting knocked unconscious by a fly ball.

On Friday night, you were getting ready for bed, FaceTiming your best friend and softball teammate (bff's name), when your father pounded on your bedroom door.

"What?"

"Guess who's playin' baseball tomorrow at the Nationals!" he yelled, clearly drunk.

"(Brother's name)?" you asked.

"You are!"

Oh no.

You made a nauseated face to your best friend on the camera and then turned around to face your father.

"No I'm not."

"Carlos, the pitcher for your brother's team, got into a car accident and broke his sissy arm. They don't have anyone else on the team who can pitch, so I offered you up. You're playin' tomorrow!"

You pinched the bridge of your nose between your fingers and let out a devastated sigh. Once Carlos got out of that cast, you were going to beat him up for making you play baseball.

Your dad left your room, presumably to go pound another beer, and your twin brother replaced his spot in your doorway.

"Listen, y/n, I'm sorry you have to play with us tomorrow, but you're the only pitcher I know who's as good as Carlos, maybe even better. We need you pitching to make sure we lose... it's kinda my fault that Dad is making you pitch, but I can't lose any more of my summer to this god damn sport." He genuinely looked apologetic, since he hated baseball just as much as you.

"Whatever. Get out of my room."

He shut the door behind him as he left, and your best friend started laughing on the phone.

"Hahaha, you have to play baseball!"

"Shut up, asshole."

"Well maybe you'll actually have fun playing with the boys. You always said girls weren't rough enough for softball to be fun."

It was true, you did like practicing with your brother's team whenever they needed an extra body. Slide-tackling first base and throwing elbows was a lot more fun than the light taps you were used to when playing with the girls, and it almost made the sport bearable. 

"Either way, it's still fucking baseball."

"Yeah... sorry."

You chatted with your best friend for another hour until you decided that you should probably go to bed early. You wanted to play your sharpest tomorrow, to be sure that Denver lost the game and secure your summer.