Hyunjin centric one-shots

In need

"This is my last chance."

The only thought on my mind these days.
It made me feel anxious to the point a constant gut wrecking feeling had settled on my stomach.

I don't know how or when it started.
I don't know why.
Maybe because I've always been referred to as a calm, old soul.

Despite acting crazy for the camera, I am a really quiet person.
Not only I find comfort in silence but sometimes I'm afraid to share my thoughts or goals with other people.
Maybe that is why I'm perceived as calm.

I've been calm for way too long and now that I'm finally coming in contact with my feelings...
I can sense the panic.

Everything I do is panicky these days.

"This is my last chance."

My last chance to reach perfection.
There can be no more slip ups.
This is it.

My finals.

My last chance to enter the university of my choice.

My last chance.

"Hyun?"

"Minho-ah."

"What are you doing awake it's... four in the morning. "

"It's that late?"

"Did you even sleep?"

"Um- no. No, I didn't, I was too focused and- and I needed more time and the only way to have more time is by reducing the hours I sleep and-"

"Hey, you are blabbering. Calm down. Come on, close your books, let's go to sleep."

"No, I can't afford sleep right now. I must study, I don't have time. There is not enough-"

"Hyunjin, sleep is-"

"No- I don't have time. There is no- I an going to fail. I- I- I can't- I can't breath- breath-"

"Hey, no, no, no. Calm down. No, no, deep breath-"

"I can't- i-"

"Hey! Someone! Help!"

Tears were falling from my eyes.
No, someone else is here too.
I woke up someone-

"Hey, Hyun. No, no. Baby, look at me."

"Sung?"

"Yes, it's me. Shhh. It's okay. Deep breath. Good. Hold it. Perfect. Let it go. Again... good job. Such a good job. Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry- I'm so sorry, I woke-"

"Stop, you are panicking again. Stop. I came here to help you. I wanted to help you."

"But-"

"Shhh. I- we are worried Hyunjin."

"Jisung is right. Hyun... this is the third time this happens in two weeks."

"It's nothing. I'm just really stressed. No need to worry."

"Because you are that stressed we worry so much. In order to have a panic attack whatever you are facing, puts too much pressure on you. You-"

"Minho is right. Hyun... why don't you visit my therapist, huh? She's really good and I swear she'll built up your confidence real quick-"

"Can I?"

"You sure can. Tomorrow I'll take you with me alright?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"No, no. You realised there is a problem and you are facing it as you should. Nothing to be thankful about. This is for you okay?"

"Yes."

"It's okay to have a problem and being in need of help. We are proud of you. Whatever happenes with your exams we'll be right here to help and support you. No goal is worthy enough for you to lose your health okay? Now come on, let's go cuddle and sleep."

Author:
________

My first panic attack was before a big exam when I was 17.
Last Wednesday I had a panic attack again after a long time of not suffering one.

I haven't been in therapy for a while, so when it happened I thought that it was because I felt a little more pressured than usual and that after my little breakdown everything would be better.

It happened again two days later and that was when I decided to start therapy again, even if that lasts for a few sessions.

Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
It is your right to receive the care you need<3