Hell is better

Chapter 18

Newts PoV:

The moment Brenda told me that she hadn't seen Teresa for about 4 days I was in shock immediately. Something was wrong, very very wrong.
Of course Teresa liked to be quiet and unseen, but she did not like to be alone at all.

She would always sit across people, watching from the distance just because she felt like she would been left if she did not make sure to be around people.
She would never talk much, be distant because many people could not stand her because of her past.

But never ever would she be locking herself up for 4 days without something being wrong.

I began running, as fast as I could. Well as fast at I could with my limp.
A thousand thoughts came to my mind while running.

What had happend to her?
Why didn't she say something?
Why the fuck did no one notice?

Because they were selfish, was the answer to that. Because they did not see her as a person, just her actions in the past.
They did not try to see the real her at all. And the people who did, well they were on the ship with us and Brenda well Brenda sometimes was a little messy and therefor probably did not notice.
That wasn't an excuse for that of course.

Brenda and Thomas ran with me and of course they were faster than I was.
And therefor they reached Teresas house first.

From a little distance I could see Thomas breaking the door as they tried to get in. Even from about 30 Meters I could see that Brenda was nearly crying and Thomas just stormed into the house.

And when I reached the doors all I could see was blood and blood and blood. I coulnd't move, even though I was so scared for her and wanted to help her I felt like frozen. My eyes scanned the room and then on her bed, my gaze stopped.

I did not notice her at first but there she was. Lying on now blood stained white duvet covers on her bed, curled in a fetal position.
She actually looked so peaceful.
But also so so broken.

As I got over the first shock I could finally move again. Thomas already went downhills to get help and Brenda tried to help Teresa in panic.

As I came closer I could eventually see the outcome of what happend to her. The scares on her body were bloody, almost if the accident of falling down the building had just happend.
But something about it was of, because her whole body was covered in red marks.

And that was when it hit me... no one did this to her, she did it to herself.

"Oh god oh god no no no"

I already cried as I came near. Sinking on my knees to reach the bed and help her.

"What have you done to yourself?"

I knew she could not hear me, she was unconscious. But man I was scared. And I also felt sorry because I could not help Brenda in that situation.

She came back with some water and medical stuff to stop the bleeding.

" Hey newt I know that is hard to look at but please stay focused. I need your help to get her clean and stop the bleeding, otherwise it will be bad for her." Brenda said.

Of course, of course I had to help her.
So Brenda and I got into another position and did the first medical help.

Now I could actually have a look at her face. She looked so so tired, almost wrecked. And her beautiful pale skin was nearly white, her freckels nearly not noticable and her rosy cheeks just very pale.
She did not look good, she was in danger but still I thought that she looked beautiful.

More beautiful than a person could ever be.

I picked her up, even for me she was light weight.
I could not wait another 10 minutes for her to get help. She needed it as soon as possible.

So we ran, well nearly ran downhills.
Teresa was curled up in my arms, breathing very little.
And all I could think about in this moment was what if I'm going to lose her?

Seriously. What would happen then? All the work and all the pain for nothing. She was a fighter, everyone knew that. But in that moment I did not knew if she would make it.
And it did not just make me sad, it made me wanna die.

She was my person. I realised it just in that moment. She was everything I had left and god I did not want to lose her. Not now and not ever.
Well, I wasn't sure if I already did.

I had to talk to her, if she would come out of this. Tell her what I should have told her a long time ago.

And then I felt like all this was my fault. Well it kinda was but wow I could never forgive myself if she really wouldn't make it.
I could never forgive myself for ever putting her in that situation indirectly...

After a few minutes Thomas and the medics came towards us.
They took her and I did not want to leave her. I hold onto her but Thomas dragged me away.

"Hey buddy it's ok. They are just helping her. It'll be fine" Brenda said.

But I was infact not sure if it was fine.
And as I stood there, outside the Hospital because I was to afraid to get inside I cried.
And I made a promise to myself for not letting her down again.

She will be fine, she will be fine...I told myself the whole time.

And as I stood there and time went past I gave up hope more and more. It had been forever and that forever made me realise, that I maybe did love her.
Or that at least I already fell for her.

" Newt, she is awake, hurry!" was the following sentence of Thomas