How to Survive Your 19th Life [BL]

Chapter 8: The First

Henri looked the same as he did at graduation except with more facial hair. He was practically sporting a full beard now. With his perpetually blue-dyed hair, he appeared almost like an alien lumberjack, especially since he loved wearing flannel and jeans. 

He smiled when he saw me. Same toothy smile. Henri was quite handsome and he knew it. His only insecurity was his height. Whereas I hit two growth spurts since middle school, he remained relatively short. 

I sat across from him and grabbed one of the table menus. Nostalgia waved through me like a cool breeze on a hot day. 

"Hungry?" Henri asked. I put the menu down and met his gaze. 

"It's nachos, man. Doesn't matter if I'm hungry or not."

"How's college, Solo?"

I sighed; appetite officially ruined. "I destroyed the life of my only friend over a crush." There it was. The truth. 

Henri's eyebrows shot up and he sat back. "Damn."

"Sorry, Chicken. Selfish Solo is at it again. Dragging you out here after all this time just to vent about my problems. I was wondering... stupidly... why did we stop talking? Was it the relationship? Whether you were my boyfriend or not, you were my best friend. I mean, yeah I was friends with Stevie and Lisbeth, but I wasn't close-close to them."

A waiter came up to us but Henri waved him off with a smile. He then leaned forward towards me. "Hey, we both played our parts in it. And you didn't drag me out here. I was already here. This place is my summer job before sophomore year starts."

"Then what was it?" I asked, too loudly. I was shaking. Terrified.

"How about we start by you telling me what happened?" Henri asked. He reached forward and grabbed my hands. His fingers were so small compared to mine. Soft too, like the hands of a girl.

So I told him. I told him about Emiel and my instant infatuation, Shiva's list, the moment in the woods, and the scene at the library. I gave him the full story, including sending the photo and getting slapped. Throughout it, he kept holding my hands.

"You know what it sounds like to me?" Henri asked when my tale was done. "It sounds like you weren't really Shiva's friend. Living with someone doesn't make you friends. You weren't Joanna's friend either. And it wasn't right for you to send that photo to her. That was messy."

"I know," I said. "I feel like shit about it." I wish I could have been honest like this to Shiva, maybe even to Jason. 

"After our... falling out, you changed Solo. I felt like shit seeing that. But you've always been a bit passive. When I stopped talking to you, you didn't even reach out. Hell, you seemed to worried that you were bothering me, that you rarely even texted me first. You've never really gone after what you want. You kind of just want things and try to ease it into reality, or let it fall by the wayside."

I sank further down in my seat. He was right. Even with my pursuit of Emiel, I sat in the same library with him for weeks without saying a word. My grand scheme was to have him come to me. Even with Shiva, I only told him I was gay to avoid any awkwardness if he happened to find out later. I could push people away so easily, but I didn't know how to get closer to them.

"Why did you stop talking to me then?" I asked, swallowing. "I mean, we were a couple for like... 5 days. I know I just let it dissolve, but what started it on your side?"

"Well, I got freaked out by being in a relationship almost immediately," Henri said. "I was so young and I thought that if we were together back then, we would always be together. I saw our wedding and kids, the whole shebang. So, basically, I just ran away from you. And I felt so ashamed, I never said anything. Then you never said anything."

I looked out the window to avoid his eyes. Memories of us staying up to 4 AM playing video games and sneaking out to joy ride Henri's dad's car came flooding in. I used to love kite flying back then. I would stay out on windy days for hours. 

I showed Henri how to build a kite from scratch, and he called it the Solo Chicken after our nicknames. It got lost when the string broke and floated away into the clouds. I liked to think back then that this was a good omen – that this kite was always going to be up in the clouds somewhere as a symbol of our friendship.

Tears welled in my eyes. "Was I someone who was easy to leave?"

Henri was silent for far too long. "I'm sorry, Solomon. We were young then. Hell, we're still young. Let's just put it behind us."

"I'm sorry too," I said. "I'll work on changing, improving. I need to."

"Yeah, especially if you want a real shot at your crush."

I looked at Henri but his eyes were focused on his hands. "Do you still have feelings for me?"

Henri laughed. "I don't know. This town is so small, there aren't many options for crushes out here."

I nodded. A bold thought came to mind and I threw caution to the wind. "If we're better people by next summer and single..."

"Not a chance," Henri interrupted, finally meeting my gaze. He rubbed his beard. "I mean, it sounds like you really like this new guy. Don't make any propositions until that is figured out. Besides, I don't want you to have me in the back of your mind as a secondary option if things dont work out with him."

"I understand. Can we at least try to be friends again?"

"That's all I ever wanted. Fuck this ex-boyfriend shit. Let's be former best friends turned besties again."

"Besties?"

Henri ran a hand through his blue hair. "I am entering my soft-boy era."

I rested my elbows on the table and leaned forward as though I were telling him a secret. "So you know... I am going to leave that new guy alone, especially after what I saw." I found myself smiling at Henri. 

"You mean where he had your roommate bent over some books at the library? How on earth could that bother you?"

We laughed like we used to. We made jokes about the ridiculousness of the situation at the expense of all parties involved. My heart felt much lighter. Our laughter carried up and out of the restaurant, probably floating off high somewhere near where Solo Chicken still loomed like a beacon home.