How to Survive Your 19th Life [BL]

Chapter 36: The First

Malai and Tariq arrived early at Emiel's studio for the movie night, with spinach dip and booze in hand. Emiel greeted them with semi-awkward hugs, which Malai seemed to eat up immediately.

"What movie are we watching again?" Tariq asked, putting the food on the counter. "Oh good thing we brought dip."

Emiel had already prepared snacks, including homemade tortilla chips with sea salt he claimed to have harvested himself last summer. There was also popcorn, salsa, fried green tomatoes, and chocolate chip cookies for dessert. I watched him frantically cooking and taste testing everything earlier that day. It was endearing that he was nervous around my friends.

"Cobra," Emiel said, holding up the VHS.

"Is that a VHS?" Malai asked as she put her and Tariq's coats up. I nodded with a smile. I loved that Emiel cared about small details like this. She gave me a knowing smile. "Lucky boy," she whispered to me, tapping my waist.

I went over and took four glasses out of the cabinet. It was strange how well I knew this place now. He still left the bottom drawer empty, which I had begun to fill up with underwear, socks, and spare clothes for when I stayed over. The shower held my body wash and my own loofah, provided by Emiel at some point during our courtship. I paused for a moment, relishing the immense happiness he made me feel with these little details.

"You okay babe?" he asked, taking the glasses from me. He wore a crisp button-down shirt with cargo shorts and misplaced green eyeliner. His shiny metallic nail polish flashed before me. I helped him paint them earlier that day. He offered to paint mine, but I only surrendered my left pinky.

"I'm perfect," I murmured to him.

His face lit up with warmth, seeming to know immediately what I was referring to.

We piled in the living room and put on Cobra. It was indeed a classic, but not the kind of movie Malai and Tariq seemed interested in. Within the first thirty minutes, their eyes drifted to their phones and they whispered private conversations. Emiel sat beside me on the couch, his elbows on his knees and face resting in the heel of both hands. He stared almost dutifully at the screen.

My phone vibrated. A text from Henri.

Henri: You guys make up or are WE gonna be summer lovers like you promised?

He then shared a meme from the film Grease with John Travolta dancing on the bleachers. I laughed before I could catch myself. Malai and Tariq looked at me. I wiggled my phone at them. "Text, sorry."

When I looked at Emiel, I found him in the exact same position as before except for his eyes. His eyes were focused on my phone screen. I put my phone down on the coffee table and leaned into him, only to find him tense. "It's a joke," I whispered to him.

"What kind of joke?" he whispered, barely audible. His eyes were still on my hands as though I never put down the phone.

"I'll explain later. Let's watch the movie."

And so we did. At least I did. Though Emiel was looking at the screen, oddly enough, I could not tell if he was actually watching or not. His gaze was glassy and unreadable.

After the movie, Emiel went through his full routine of packing the film away along with the VHS player. He told me when he first surprised me with it that he didn't like having all the cords and adapters out. It made his apartment look untidy.

"So what's up with you and Jason?" Malai asked Emiel.

We ended up eating the snacks we made for dinner rather than anything hearty. There was a good dose of dull conversation before she sprung this question on us. Tariq had just returned from the bathroom, so I wondered if she felt nervous to ask without his supportive presence.

I looked from Emiel to Malai. He was his usual cool self.

"What do you mean, Malai?" Emiel asked nonchalantly. The bleakness of his voice came off as somewhat robotic—pleasant but void. I'd almost forgotten that Jason and Malai knew each other from being student ambassadors.

"He hates your guts now," she said, her brows furrowed. "I'm in a group chat with him and I mentioned that I was here for a double date. He's blowing me up." She held up her phone to show Tariq. "He's sending me all these texts... calling you a psycho. What happened?"

I recoiled, remembering my last encounter with him. Jason was so different. I'd never gotten a chance to ask Emiel about it myself. I was too worried about my confession.

"I think you should leave," Emiel told them.

We all froze.

"Why do they have to leave?" I asked him. A cold chill tickled the back of my neck.

He wrapped one arm around my waist and said, "I don't like being questioned. The door's over there."

"That's weird," Malai said. "Just because I asked about Jason? I'm sorry if it upset you..."

"Get out while I'm asking nicely," Emiel murmured, his voice light and sweet. He even smiled.

Tariq jumped up immediately and pulled a very confused Malai to her feet. "Let's go, Mal."

I moved to get up as well but Emiel's grip kept me firmly on the couch. If I weren't so confused, and so in love, I might have resisted him more. But I didn't. One moment we were enjoying a rather pleasantly social night and the next, my friends were putting on their coats in silence. Tariq grabbed what was left of his spinach dip.

"Hey, you don't have to go," I said. I hated how feeble my voice sounded.

"Sol, you coming?" Malai asked me from the doorway. The look in her eyes was something between confusion and worry.

I offered her a smile. "We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

She nodded and they left. Tariq seemed to make a point of slamming the door. Finally, Emiel released me.

I jumped to my feet. "What the hell was that?" I shouted at him.

"Explain the joke," Emiel said. A shadow passed over his face, contorting his expression very slightly, but enough to change the mood of the room. It was so strange with just the look in his eyes, he could seem like a different person. Just like last night, except instead of being filled with ecstasy, he was void of all emotion.

Still, my temper flared. "What fucking joke?"

"Between you and Henri."

Baffled, I sighed and shook my head. "You're still on that? Is that why you kicked my friends out? You're jealous?"

"Fuck your friends," he said, barely moving. A vein pulsed in his neck.

"Fuck you," I snapped back immediately, grabbing my phone from the coffee table. Malai had texted me asking me if she did something wrong. My heart ached. She was so sweet and we were having a good time. She was one of my favorite people, and now our relationship was a bit soured.

"Texting your summer lover?" he asked.

I scoffed. "Shut up dude."

"What the fuck did you just call me?" The bass in his voice threw cold water over my rage. His words came out as close to a growl as a human could get. Every adult part of me turned into a child, terrified of the boogeyman.

I figured I should have apologized for being petty. I should have explained the joke between me and Henri right then and there.

But I didn't. Of course I didn't. It was easy to be distant from him when I was angry. I figured he'd be over it in the morning and we might be able to talk then.

When I woke up in the morning, Emiel was gone. So was my phone. There was a note on his pillow that said, "Meet me in the library."