How to Survive Your 19th Life [BL]

Chapter 83: Offense

"I will treat this like everything you say is true," Professor Groves told me after I told him my full story as quickly as possible. There were many details I was leaving out, but it was hard to recall everything in a moment's notice. Still, hearing him say that he would at least act like he believed me was enough to nearly bring me to tears.

"So how can I break this cycle?" I asked him, sitting across from him with my hands clasped together in my lap. 

He laughed and sat back. "That's a tricky question, Mr. Eliasson. First, you need to focus on putting some insurances in place."

"What do you mean?"

"What is something you can bring with you to every time loop?"

I looked down at myself and my empty hands. "Nothing. Everything resets—"

"Knowledge," Professor Groves cut in. "You must learn how to buy yourself time, if needed. Use your memory to your advantage. Unless you plan to die a zillion times, you are never going to live your lives exactly the same, so you must use what you've already learned to improvise."

Professor Groves was brilliant. If I ever aspired to teach, he would have been my role model. 

He continued, "Focus on digging and having quicker deaths that are less traumatic."

I remembered being burned alive. I flinched at the memory, still able to recall the smell with utmost clarity. I would have given anything not to go through that again.

"There is a more important question right now to consider."

"What's that?"

"Is Mr. Hugo killing you inevitable?"

I froze. Right then, all at once, I wanted to flip his desk over and attack him. Such a thought hurt my chest and raised the hairs on my arms. It was something I was scared to seriously consider.

"How many times you have died is not the concern, but it is the many different ways you have died. Is this your fate? No matter where you are, he has found you. No matter what you do, he has bested you."

"I'm doomed," I murmured. The room spun around me. It became harder to breathe.

"Not quite. The fact is... you are looping for a reason. I have two theories on this, Mr. Eliasson. Well, two-and-a-half. The first theory is that this isn't your fate, and thus you need to find a way to break the cycle. This is simply do-overs until you get it right. That could be killing Mr. Hugo first or fulfilling some other condition closer to why this is happening. Reveal some truth. Perform a ritual. If this is the case, then there is likely a risk if you get it wrong."

My panic attack subsided some. It was strange, feeling so entirely overwhelmed by what he was telling me, though I was the one living it. 

"The other theory is that this is a punishment, or a prison. If it is merely a punishment, then there should be a satisfaction period or fulfillment of when it will eventually stop. But what could that be? One hundred deaths? Your mind breaking?"

"And if it is a prison?" I asked.

He sighed and said, "If it is more complex like a prison or purgatory, well then, you'd need to find out what the walls of this prison are composed of and escape. But escaping doesn't mean you get to live a regular life. You could end up in a void of whatever is beyond the prison."

"So, I need to collect more information on this." I stood up and began pacing the room. "I need to conduct experiments, find out more about Emiel. I need to pay attention to the variables, see what makes him tick, but also..."

"Pay attention to yourself as well."

"Me?"

Professor Groves nodded. "You are in this as well. Look inside yourself."

My phone vibrated.

Emiel: Dinner tonight?

I checked the time. 1:30 PM. I'd been there for hours. I needed to go back to my dorm to do more research and planning. Every moment that I spent with Emiel mattered in the grand scheme of things. If I buttered up Emiel like I did last time, I should be able to live at least until close to summer. That would give me plenty of time to get a grip on everything.

"Thanks, prof, but I have to run," I told him, putting on my coat.

"I've always wanted something cool to happen to me," Professor Groves said as I was on my way out. I stopped in the doorway. "Come back in a week and we can review your findings. If you... die and have to come-back here to convince me to help you all over again, tell me that ever since my brother's death, and subsequent divorce of my parents, I've always wanted to time travel. For you that is possible, albeit it is a curse. Something that no one knows is that I used to pretend my brother never died. I would sit in my room and talk to him for hours as though he were still there. What I would not give to go back in time and save him. Maybe I can help save you instead."