How to Survive Your 19th Life [BL]

Chapter 77: Burning Love

"Do you see me differently now?" Emiel asked me a few days later. We went on a date in Javernick Hills, to an upscale restaurant that was rather out of place for such a tiny town. We were on course eight of a ten course tasting dinner. So far, we'd had caviar with koji ice cream, beef tartar, wagyu steak with broccolini, and some other items I couldn't remember. Some things were delicious, but it mostly felt a level above what my palate could properly appreciate.

I merely shook my head as I pushed my cranberry sorbet around its decorative bowl. His question came out of nowhere, so I wasn't sure how he wanted me to answer.

"Come on Sol," Emiel said quietly. He reached one hand across the table towards me, palm up, beckoning my touch. I studied his palm and his lines. His fingernails were always in great shape, oiled or polished. Several rings adorned his fingers of various metals and gems. I knew they were all real, but he wore them so casually.

"I know you aren't a saint," I explained. I placed my hand over his. Our hands were the same size, yet his was primed for killing.

"What do you know?" Emiel asked. He then paused, considering his own question. "What do you think you know?"

"Well, for starters, I know you blackmailed the Student Life Coordinator so that I could live with you after the dorm fire."

Emiel's eyes flickered from my eyes to my mouth, as though trying to discern if I were wearing a mask. He then let out a soft laugh and took a sip of water.

"That's all you know?"

And that you are a murderous piece of shit. I nodded.

"Well, I also started the fire," he said.

My spoon clattered onto the bowl. I jumped and pulled it onto the tablecloth. Patrons at nearby tables glanced our way from the commotion.

"That explains why you and Jason are no longer friends," I said, trying to keep my tone calm. He'd murdered me so many times now and yet he still found ways to shock me. "Uh, how did he, uh, find out? Or did he know the whole time?"

"He figured it out pretty fast, after the shock wore off. I mean, I was the last one to leave the party, and I brought the space heater. I waited outside for him after the fire started, but it took him too long to realize the building was burning. So, I had to go back in and rescue him."

"So, you put him in danger and saved his life. He must have told security or the police."

Emiel shrugged. "He's never underestimated me, Sol. He knows better."

I wish I hadn't underestimated Emiel. Maybe my life would have been much better.

"Why all that trouble for me?" I asked. "I mean, you barely knew me Em. And at the time, you didn't want a relationship. Did you want to fuck that bad?"

Confidence settled in his broad shoulders. He said, "You are worth a thousand fires, Solomon. One little building is nothing. Even if I didn't know what I wanted back then, I've always known how special you are."

"I'm not that special."

"Yes, you are. The world revolves around you. Just you. You are the sun."

I wanted to tell him that my significance was no more than a blade of grass or cup of coffee. Ironically enough, the world didn't revolve around my life, but my deaths. This life, I was to do and be whatever Emiel wanted me to be. The more I resisted, it seemed the worse things got.

So I squeezed his hand and smiled. I carried his words back home with me, where I dumped them into the toilet along with my dinner. I cried into my bathroom rug for longer than I could remember. And when Emiel texted me, I made sure to wipe my eyes and respond as soon as I could.