ℝ𝕀𝔻𝕀ℂ𝕌𝕃𝕆𝕌𝕊 𝕃𝕆𝕍𝔼 (an Ariana Grande x Y/n book)

Chapter 25 (i wont give up)

-Y/n POV-

I sat at the bar picking away at my food. It was salmon and mashed potatoes one of my favorite combos and yet I had lost my appetite.

Earlier today I was meeting with my therapist and I had been meaning to ask her why I can't have sex with Ariana but she's a stranger for god sake I could never. So where I was with a heavy question lingering on my chest and I had no way to get it off.

"What's wrong." Asked my mother grabbing my attention away from my food "Huh." I said despite having heard what my mother said "What's wrong." My mother repeated

And nervously I spoke, "Nothing wrong the food is amazing as usual." I cut off a piece of the salmon smothered it in mashed potatoes and shoved it into my mouth. It did taste good I just wasn't in the mood to eat.

"I wasn't talking about that I was talking about you." My mother poked my shoulder "You upset." Said my mother

I put down my fork and sighed "Can I be honest with you Mom." I asked nervously and my mother simply nodded her head in response "Of course Bootsie what is it."

I took a deep breath and clenched my fits "Me and Ariana are taking a step forward in our relationship but anytime she touches me in a sexual way I get flashes and I just don't have a good time." My mother roughly pinched my cheek

"Don't you think that's something you should've told your therapist?" My mother spoke angrily while holding my cheek "Yeah but I can't say that to a stranger." I pleaded "I can't even tell the doctor what's wrong when I'm hurt." Convinced with my argument my mother let go of my now sore cheek leaving me to deal with the stinging pain.

"I think there's something wrong with me." My eyes started to become blurry and my throat tightened making it hard to breathe "Why would you say that." I shrugged finding it hard to speak.

"Well, I think it's Ariana." Said my mother randomly "Why." I said getting defensive and my mother responded with a shrug "Seriously."

"Yes, seriously why do you always assume there is something wrong with you? For all we know it's that white girl who's messing you up." Said my mother making me sigh she was always bringing race into the mix.

"I mean she doesn't force you correct," my mother asked and I was offended "Of course not!" I raised my voice upset that my mom would even suggest such a thing "What about scared or really should I say nervous." My body froze.

It would be a fat lie if I said any time Ariana touched me I wasn't nervous. "All the time."

"We'll there's your problem your nervous and your subconscious is reacting to it." My mother explained making me sigh "So you're telling me if I want to enjoy doing sexual stuff with Ariana I have to stop being nervous."

"Yes and no. You don't have to stop being nervous instead Ariana needs to start making you more comfortable thus making you not too nervous." I say surprised "Wow Mom you're good at this." I exclaimed.

"Thanks I watch a lot of romance movies so I know a thing or two." My mother said jokingly "Now eat your food." My mother spoke sternly and I dug in.

-Ariana POV-

I've been reading and reading for hours now trying to figure out ways I can make Ariana comfortable for sex.

And so far I've found Jack shit. They all talk about how it's up to them to figure out whether there ready and sometimes it could take years. Well, I don't have years my vagina needs dick real dick, and as much as it pains me to say it Y/n's strap game is trash compared to Monica's.

This is crazy because you'd think that since she has a dick she'd be amazing but nope. Though she's not very experienced so I guess that's also part of it.

I slammed down my computer roughly and sighed. I was supposed to be masturbating right now and then sending that video to Y/n but I spent it researching only to come up empty-handed.

Fuck it I need some dick.

Oh plastic oh plastic come to me thy plastic fill my hole with your rubber goodness until I feel whole.

Looking through my collection I went with the purple it was a small one but it also moved so that bumped it up in my hierarchy.

I drowned it in lube (speaking of which I needed to buy some more) I had no plans on being gentle or any foreplay. I locked my door sat on the floor with my legs wide and shoved it right in. I thought back to all my other sexual rendezvous I didn't want to think of how me and Y/n had sex.

Knowing that she didn't enjoy it hurt me so much and I know it wasn't her fault I just can't help but be upset.

I shake my head violently

Why am I thinking of that I just need to think of plowing my insides with a dildo.

But I don't want to pretend and forget about it. Y/n doesn't like to have sex with me she doesn't even like it when I touch her so what am I going to do? I don't want to sound selfish but I don't want to wait for her to get better I just want her to touch me to love me to make me feel special and important.

I want her touch I need it.

Losing my interest I pulled the dildo out of me and rested it down on the floor I was on the verge of tears. And curled up into a ball on the floor.

Hearing my phone vibrate I rolled over to my bed and grabbed it. I had gotten a text from Y/n it was a picture of a wrap in the shape of a heart.

"I'm putting my heart into this meal"

I shook my head as I giggled. And replied with a thank you baby.

Staring at the picture I was filled with energy and determination. I was gonna help Y/n through this and I refuse to give up

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Short chapter again