Doctor Who Meets Horrible Histories

Stupid Deaths (1)

So this is definitely entering extreme random and niche-ness, but I was watching Resurrection of the Daleks (Peter Davison episode, Season 21) and the 5th Doctor pushed a Dalek out of the window. I thought that was a fairly Stupid Death, so.....

Here's a clip of the moment, for a tiny bit of context. Not that there's much context for this....or even in the episode, let's be honest.

Stupid Deaths, Stupid Deaths, 

They're funny 'cause they're true

Stupid Deaths, Stupid Deaths, 

Hope next time it's not you!!

Death was about to call out for his next....client......customer......victim.......whatever? When said person trundled into the room uninvited, with an air of superiority. 

"Rude." Death muttered to himself, before straightening his (redundant, let's be honest) note pad, and looking up at them. 

"What did you say?" Asked the creature, the tone of outrage clear even through its mechanical voice. 

"I said RUDE!" Said Death, raising his voice. 

"Are you trying to insult me?" It said, the tinny voice reverberating around Death's head like a particularly painful headache. 

"No," He said sarcastically, "I would never."

"Good." It replied. Death was a little confused at its apparent lack of reaction to his blatant sarcasm, but he chose to not care. 

"Right, name and date of death please." 

"Daleks do not have names." 

"What do people call you then?" He sighed. 

"Dalek." 

"Right. And Date of Death." 

"That is irrelevant."

"This form would beg to differ. Just give me the date, for death's sake." 

"In your silly earth measurements, it would be ninteen of the eight four." 

"Ninteen eighty four...." Death muttered, noting it down. Then he dropped his pen and clasped his hands. "So, how did you die?" He smiled expectantly. 

"Die?" The Dalek sounded confused. "What is this word?" 

"How did you end up here....how did you kick the bucket......sleep with the fishes.....pop your clogs....."

"Records show clogs are a type of shoe. Daleks do not wear clogs!!" 

"It's a euphemism," Death sighed, "What happened to you?" He said, enunciating each word slowly and clearly. 

"I was Exterminated." 

"Is that not the same as I Died?" Death was confused. 

"Daleks only use Exterminate!! Exterminate!! Exterminate!!!" 

"But you were Exterminated!!" Death mimicked the Dalek on the last word.

"Yes." 

"By who?" Death asked.

"Do not speak of them! Do not speak of them!!" The Dalek began to spin in circles, repeating this phrase over and over. "Do not!! Do not speak of them!!! Do not!!"

"Would you stop spinning for one second!" Death finally burst. The Dalek completed one last slower revolution, before coming to rest. "Look, I can't put you through to the afterlife until you tell me what happened....." He prompted. 

"It was the DOCTOR!" The Dalek said this with malice, much in the same way as Snape would pronounce the word 'Potter'. 

"And what did this Doctor do?" Asked Death. 

"He was in a warehouse....." The Dalek began. 

"Yes..." Death encouraged. 

"And I was sent in on a reconnaissance mission. But the Doctor was waiting. He and some....humans. Pulled me in, and then the Doctor pushed me, and I fell out of the window." 

"You were pushed out of a window!" Death laughed, cackling like it was the best thing he had ever heard. 

"Do not laugh at the greatest war-machine in the universe! Do not laugh at the greatest war-machine in the universe!" The Dalek's tinny voice reached almost unhearable pitch as it uttered this. 

"The greatest war-machine in the universe?" Death spluttered. "Mate, you were killed falling out of a window. You definitely don't deserve that status." 

"You have mocked me! You have mocked the supreme race! You will be exterminated! You will be EXTERMINATED!" The Dalek brandished it's plunger and advanced towards Death. 

"Alright, that's enough." He pressed down a lever, and the gate to the afterlife slid forward, absorbing the Dalek before it had the chance to unclog any toilets. "Their problem now." Death muttered as the gate slid back into place. 

"Next!" He yelled, still laughing. 

Stupid Deaths, Stupid Deaths, 

Hope next time it's not you!

Thanks for reading! And for putting up with the utter nonsense that is this book. I'm continuing my record of only posting stuff on this book when I have no motivation or inspiration for anything else : ) 

I hope you enjoyed reading! Please comment if you have any requests for skits you want me to Who-ify (yes, I am using that word), or any series/episodes you'd like a Bob Hale report of. I hope you're doing well! : )  

P.S I appreciate that there were plot holes in this......but it's a Stupid Deaths Episode for a Dalek.....so......