Doctor Who Meets Horrible Histories

Historical Masterchef

It's time for a Who-ification (yes that is a word now) of my favourite recurring sketch in HH - Historical Masterchef!!!!

For the record, John is the judge played by Ben Willbond, and Greg is played by Jim Howick. These are their actual names in the show - no I didn't google them. Of course not. 

Four eager chefs, four eras, but just one prize. Who will be crowned Doctor-Chef! 

"Doctor-Chef? Well that's just stupid sounding." Complained Greg, rolling his eyes. 

"Well, I can't exactly say Master Chef, can I?" Said John in hushed tones, leaning in so that the contestants couldn't hear him. 

"Why not, it's always worked before?" 

"Well, someone clearly didn't do any research." Sighed John, "Come on, let's just start the show. Hello, and welcome to Historical Masterchef! Today we have four contestants..."

"All called the Doctor," interrupted Greg. 

"Yes, four contestants, all called the Doctor, who will be cooking for us today. Let's get over to our first contestant!" 

"Hello," said Greg, "And you are?" 

"Err...the Doctor?" 

"Right, but which one?" 

"Oh, number 10." Grinned the Doctor. 

"And what will you be making for us today?" Asked John, looking hopefully at the splayed ingredients. 

" A Banana Daquiri!" Smiled 10, "You know what they say, always bring a banana to a party!"

"Well, that isn't a phrase, no one says it, and a cocktail isn't food. But good luck!" Said John, patting him on the shoulder and moving on to the next contestant. The Doctor looked crushed, and Greg smiled at him sympathetically, before trailing after John. 

"I say it..." He muttered. 

"Who are you?" Asked John to the next contestant in line, who was attempting to make custard, place fish fingers on a tray, and cut some cucumber....all at the same time. 

"I'm the Doctor." He answered, trying to stir the custard and slice the cucumber. 

John sighed. It seemed it was going to be a long day. "But which number are you?" He clarified. 

"Oh." Said the Doctor. "Well, that's a slightly more complicated question. It depends who you count. Because that guy," he used his elbow to gesture at 10, "regenerated into himself. And that guy," he used his other elbow to gesture to 9, "had an incarnation before him that we tried not to think about. So technically I'm number 13."

"But you came after him." Said Greg, at first using his elbow to point to twelve, then realising and using his hand instead. 

"Yes. Technically I'm number 13. I call myself number 11."

"Right." Said John, rolling his eyes and wondering why on earth they didn't just start with this answer. "And what are you making for us today?"

"Well, this here is custard," he flicked the spoon he was using to stir, and the custard splashed across the room. It covered Greg's face, and small flecks even managed to make their way on to Nine's coat. Thankfully he didn't notice. The Doctor looked at the mess for a second, a little sheepishly, and then continued. "These are fish fingers, and I'm slicing  cucumber for a small side salad."

"Interesting combination, custard, cucumber and fish fingers. Good luck!" Said John, slightly more impressed with 11's recipe than 10's. But only slightly.