Helena: A Gerard Way Fanfic

Paranoid Chapter Five

Gerard's POV

A day after, I was in the studio with the guys. I couldn't think straight. I had left Helena alone. I left her a note and kissed her on the lips. And after yesterday, I am paranoid. I bounced my knee up and down and chewed on my pencil, a habit I do from stress and worries. "Gerard?" Ray asks. I shoot up. "Yeah?" I reply banging my pencil on the wooden desk repeatedly. "You okay? You're doing that thing you do when you're stressed." Mikey came up with chips stuffed in his hands. "Oh he's obviously thinking about Helena slowly taking her clothes off on top of him." Mikey said snickering. I threw a pen at his. "Shut up!" He dodged it laughing. "Guys! Shut the hell up!!" Frank yelled pointing at my face. I glanced in the mirror and sure enough, a tear was down my face and I looked like I was ready to break down. Bob agreed, "Let the man speak!" "Sorry." They both mumbled. "What's wrong Gee?"

I sighed and said, "I left Helena alone today." They all o'ed and sat around me. Another tear. Frank patted my back. "She won't do anything!" "You should have seen her last night! We were watching TV and she broke down and I had to stop her from running to the bathroom. She kept screaming she wanted to die so fucking bad. She then cried herself to sleep and I had to sing her to sleep." I sighed and placed my hand on my palms and let my tears out quietly. "And....I...think......she......might......kill.....herself.....today......when........I'm.......not..........there..." I sobbed. This was the first time I've cried a lot. Like sobbed. I felt someone rub my back. I could tell it was Mikey.

"It's okay bro." He said. I shake my head, "NO!!!!!!!! She could be dead!!!!!!!" "Look, Gee, go and check on her. You can come back with her if you want. Just go and see her. Please I don't like to see you like this." Frank said. "Go." Mikey said nudging me. I nodded and got up. I slipped on my coat and got in my car. I sped home and barged in. "Helena!!!??" Usually, she would call back and say IN HERE!!!!!!! But no.....She didn't. "HELENA!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed through the hallow halls. "HELENA!!!!!!!!!!!!" I threw open the doors and she was nowhere. I started to panic. "HELENA!!!!!!!" I screamed every time I searched. Tears started to stream down my face as I called, "HELENA!!!!!!!!!!?" I opened the bathroom door and froze. She lied there on the ground with a puddle of blood surrounding her.

She was ghostly pale and her lips were chapped and blue. "No..." I whispered bending over and touching her. She was cold. There was a paper next to her. In her writing it said, "I'm so sorry my Love." I shook my head as the tears fell. I shakily pulled out my phone and dialed 911. I explained and they said to stay calm and stay with her and check her pulse. I hung up and checked her pulse. I waited and nothing. Then I felt it. It was faint and I cried. And cried and cried. I cried as I watched them take her away. I cried when they drove off. And I cried when I contacted Mikey to come to the hospital. It was pouring and dark outside. It made it feel more like the nightmare I was in.

If she dies, I have no idea what to do with myself. That girl is my everything. She is my smile and laugh. I sat outside and punched the wall screaming. "WHAT DID SHE EVER DO TO YOU!!!!!!!! SHE WAS JUST AN INNOCENT GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DID SHE EVER DO TO MAKE YOU TREAT HER LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!?" I screamed at the pouring sky. I collapsed into a puddle and laid there screaming and crying. "What did she do?" I mumbled through tears. "Why?" I whined. "Okay buddy it's time to get you up now." I hear my brother's voice. I was lifted up and no more water from the rain hit me. Mikey took off my jacket and I was dry except for my jeans. Mikey brushed my hair away from my face that was plastered to my forehead. "God Gerard." Frank whispered. Mikey grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me into a tight hug where I cried and sobbed into him.

He rubbed my back and shushed me soothingly. "You are a great little brother Mikey." I said. "No Gerard, you are the best older brother ever." Mikey replied as he rocked me back and forth. "Let's get you inside to dry off." Frank said standing me up and leading me inside. I collapsed onto the chair and placed my head in my palms as Mikey rubbed my back. Someone tapped my shoulder. I looked up and Ray stood there with coffee in his hands and Bob stood next to him with Skittles. I tried to laugh. But then I actually did. "You guys are the best." I said smiling. "We know." They said. I laughed and chugged the coffee and ate some Skittles before giving half the bag to Mikey because he was making puppy dog eyes.

It was a long time before a doctor came out. I stood up as did the guys and , Lindsey and Alicia who joined an hour ago. "Well, she is stable. And alive. She lost a lot of blood. But....visiting hours are over you have to come back tomorrow." My face fell. Lindsey rubbed my back. "It won't be long." Tears welled up and again and Lindsey led me to her car and drove me home as I silently cried without her noticing. "Lindsey." I said sobbing. "Yes?" "Can you stay?" I asked feeling like a child. "Sure." I nodded and we got out. I took her into the guest room. "Thanks." "No problem." She replied with a smile. She hugged me. "It's just one night." She kissed my head and closed the door quietly as I walked into Helena and I's room.

I walked into our bathroom. There was the puddle of blood and the note. And a butcher knife. My lip quivered and my knees buckled as my trembling hands slowly picked up the blood stained knife. I studied it. I sighed shakily and washed it in the sink before slipping into the kitchen to put it back but hiding it. I hid the other knives also. If someone was gonna cook, it would be me if knives were involved. I took a rag and spray and went back into the room. And entered the bathroom. I scrubbed the dried up blood and trembled. I felt the bile rise creep up my throat. I crawled to the toilet and chucked up my stomach's contents in the toilet. A lot came out too. As I revisited the past events today. Her chapped blue lips. Pale ghostly skin. The blood.

I don't think I could stop. My hair was pulled back. Since it was long and could get into the vomit. "Shh." I heard and my back was being rubbed. I finished and turned to face Lindsey. I sighed and she gave me a sympathetic look. "Get in bed and sleep. I'll finish cleaning." I nodded and she hugged me. I hugged back tightly and cried a bit. She shooed me out and I stripped into my boxers and crawled into bed. I turned my head to face Helena's spot. I rolled onto my stomach and smelled her pillow. It smelled like me and her combined. And I loved to do that. I sighed. I really wanted to feel Helena's skin against mine.

Like all of the other nights. We would talk until we both got tired and then lace our fingers and press our foreheads together and kiss and fall asleep. Peacefully. While tonight I tossed and turned waiting for the night to end so I could see my Helena. I tossed the turned. And it wouldn't stop. I would get up and walk around but that didn't help. I ended up making coffee at five in the morning and watching TV quietly. I turned the TV on sipping my drink and MTV came on. A small talk show thing popped up saying 'Quick News' then some guy appeared on the screen. "Hey, I'm Josh! Welcome to 'Quick News.' where we tell you news quickly about artists. First on our list. Helena Ivy, MCR's frontman Gerard Way's girlfriend was checked into the hospital for private reasons. Gerard did not take this so well, but he is hopefully doing well."

I sighed. I didn't know Helena was that popular. Sure she had been in some videos and a lot of red carpets. Ah, I see now. I shut the TV off as they showed pictures of Helena and I with the band. "Hey." I hear a soft voice say. I look up and see Lindsey. She's dressed and holding a mug of coffee and a plate. She walked over to me and handed me the plate which contained a piece of toast. I shake my head and she sighs, "Gerard please eat!!" I sighed and took the plate eating the toast. "Now, shower, dress and by the time you are done, we can leave because you take long ass showers." I laughed, Lindsey can make anyone cheer up in bad times like this.

I showered for a long time and dressed. I did some of my makeup just in case we have paparazzi. I grabbed a bag and stuffed Helena's clothes in there and Lindsey drove. We arrived and I bounded in. Frank came out and led me to the room. Helena laid there texting and she glanced up. She did a double take and gasped. I dropped the bag and rushed to her. She sat up and hugged me tightly. I kissed her soft lips deeply and pulled away. I gave her a soft look and asked, "Why Helena?" She sighed and explained. She just said the same thing from five years ago. I hate myself. I checked her out and took her home. We sat on the couch, she was tucked under my arm when she trailed her hand to my belt. Which did make me squirm a bit and she slowly trailed her hand around my area.

I grew hard and she kissed my neck. I shivered. "Ya know, I did miss you in me." I growled and grabbed her by the wrist dragging her upstairs into the room.