Undercover!! Kenma x Spy reader

Chapter 10

I dragged Kenma behind me through the street. It was already mid afternoon and slowly the streets filled with many tired workers, coming home from their even more tiring 9 to 5s. No one said a word. The silence was deafining even with all the busy sounds of the city filling my ears. I halted infront of a small café, in which not many people were sitting in.

We sat down on a table far away from the other costumers and employees. This was a private matter and if the situation escalates, I'll need to not make the others notice us. Seeing as Kenma did not care that other people stared at us in the university, this might or might not be the end of my career as a spy. 

A waitress brought us something to drink before an uncomfortable silence fell over us. Kenma stared at me intently, as I sipped on my cup. The sound of porcelain clickering on the saucer was as loud as a grenade. I cleared my throat slightly and finally dared to look him in his eyes. 

„So, I know you have a lot of questions. But I'm not (U/N). I'm actually her half sister." I said confidently. Well, at least I sounded confident. I swear, I felt a whole bead of sweat run down my back. He didn't look convinced at all. Even if he didn't say a word, I felt it through his gaze. „No, you're not her half sister."

My nails dug into my palms under the table as I tried to find another plausible excuse. Damn, he was a hard nut to crack. Am I that unconvincing? Guhuhu... The years of training my acting haven't payed off! „Hahaha!! What did I say half sister? I meant twin sister of course!" 

„You're not."

„I... I meant grandma! Yeah, (U/N) is so embarrassed that her grandma looks way younger than herse—"

„You're not."

„You got me! I meant cousin of her aunt's 3rd ex husband's brother! Yeah, we look a lot a like!"

„Why are you still lying, (U/N)?"

I let my head fall onto the Table in defeat. He will not back down, will he? This was it. My end. My promising career just pulverated into air. All because I was stupid enough to meet Kenma here. I sighed before putting my head up again. What made him so sure it was actually me from highschool? God, what do I do now? I can't possibly tell him about my double lifes and the identities that I had created over the many years. This would put him and me into great danger. 

Not just speaking of the case, in which he would get involved with alot of vicious and evil people. But also... What, if my heart will waver again, like it did just hours ago? Just seeing him made my heart set ablaze. Why am I so concerned about that? Maybe, my feelings haven't changed over the years at all? Has everything that I build up so laboriously been for nothing? I never would have expected to meet him in another mission, out of all places. Is this actually the end?

A defeated giggle escaped my mouth as I looked down to the white cup. Now or never. If I don't find an excuse for my disguise it will be over in a matter of minutes. „Really... When have you become so persistant, Kenma?" His eyes grew slightly again. As if the confirmation just only made him realize that what he was saying was actually true.  

„So you are (U/N)?", he asked.

„Wait, why are you asking!? I thought you knew!?" 

„I knew it was you. But actually hearing it from you feels different." I didn't look him in the eyes. I felt like, if I'd look at him, I'd see a dissapointed expression, maybe even one contured in hatred. I knew how expressive he could be, and that was scary to think of. But at the same time I knew, I'd need to face him at one point.

„Could I ask you for something?" I didn't wait for his response. There wasn't room for one, even if I asked him. „Can you not tell anyone that it's me? I can't really explain at the moment why I look like this or why I am here.."

„Then, could I ask you for something in return? Please tell me why you went away 7 years ago." I was expecting him to ask me that. I mean, who wouldn't be curious. 

 „I... Uhm. I should probably apologize first.. for leaving you without an explaination...", I started while fidgeting around with my thumbs. „I'm very sorry. It was a hard time back in those times. I wasn't in the right mindset.."

I gulped down the lump in my throat. Why was my heart feeling so heavy, knowing that I was about to lie to him again? I thought I had forgotten the feeling of guilt I had everytime I spoke to him. „Do you remember how I told you that my parents worked abroad?" 

I inhaled before continuing to speak. „They... died there in an accident. I.. I didn't know what to do.. But, a small part of my family lived abroad too and they told me I could live with them. So, it was planned for me to leave. And because I didn't want to make it hard for you, I thought that leaving without saying anything would be the best. But then you confessed and—" I felt tears prickle at the corner of my eyes, remembering the truth behind the lie. I felt a hand suddenly on mine and I finally looked to Kenma. 

 He met my eyes with a soft and calm look on his face. The one, that I had been unconciously longing for, the past years. A delicate smile formed on his face, shining brightly in it's own way. Like it was only meant for me. Argh! Get it together! Why is he reacting that way!? Wasn't I his crush who left him standing without an explaination years ago and who never talked to him again afterwards!? The average reaction of someone seeing a person, that they are supposed to hate isn't this type of smile and gesture!

His thumb rubbed over my knuckles softly, in a soothing manner that made butterflies appear in my stomach, just like 7 years ago. I missed him so much and yearned for his presence but never have I thought I could actually meet him again and that he would forgive me for that matter. He didn't exactly say it out loud, but his gaze spoke for itself. 

At the same moment of serendipity, I felt another feeling growing in my chest. The feeling of guilt and despair. If he actually forgave me now, wouldn't that mean, that I was being lucky? But I did it with the power of lying. It doesn't let me feel happy about it at all. The wish to tell him the actual truth entered my heart that was already overflowing emotions. But also the despair and confusion, knowing that I won't be able to leave him, if I get to close to him again.