ℂ𝕃𝕆𝕎ℕ| Kaz Brekker

Home Country

The devil's in the details

but you got a friend in me

~Taylor Swift~

𝔼𝕧𝕚𝕝𝕪𝕟𝕟 ℙ𝕚𝕖𝕤𝕥

WHEN WE LEFT I was struck in my soul. Not really sure what had just happened. I didn't tend to have deep philosophical meanings for things, or any wisdom passed down through the generations; that was Inej's thing. Since my parents died I didn't spend much time thinking about the future, always just one step at a time. But now I wondered, what would happen when the job was finished? What will my mothers letters say? Would I even live that long?

This wasn't like me, I should have been chuckling with Jesper about his situation with Wylan, or chatting with Nina about her Fejerdan man. Instead I walked a few paces away from the group, my thoughts screaming back and forth.

I didn't even realize Kaz had been walking beside me till I looked up. The rest of the group was ahead, other then Jesper and Wylan who were kissing as we walked passed.

Kaz sent them a disgusted glance, though it seemed halfhearted. "Everyone's lost their minds."

"That's the best part," I chuckled softly. 

We continued walking together for a few minutes before Kaz spoke. The sun had just began to rise and the lighting made him look more life like, but something of it looked like it went beneath the trick of the light.

"What if I said I did see something through the haze of the poison?" He stopped walking and looked me in the eye.

My lips twitched up just barely, "I'd say I knew it, you should've known better than to tell such a poor lie before. But I'd also ask what you saw." I looked back at him.

He shook his head at my attempt to lighten the load. "There are those that drown us, and those who pull us out."

We stood there for a moment, I found myself searching his eyes. They didn't look angry or evil, they looked human; because under all that hatred and hurt, Kaz Brekker was still very human.

"What about you," He spoke again. "What did your toxin trip reveal to you." It was so slight I might have missed it, but he leaned down towards me. Like he really wanted to know.

"Time consumes things, you have hold on what matters, or it won't last." Something in me wanted to reach out and grab his hand, to show him that he mattered to me. But I wouldn't do that to him, I couldn't. 

Before we could stand there any longer I continued to walk forward, picking up the pace to join the rest of the group.

They were laughing and joking, and I was done wallowing in on myself. The last time I let myself be consumed with my thoughts I'd lost a large piece of my sanity when I was still so young. Death was another fault of time, just another thing that consumed people. It took my parents from me, and with it my future. It had taken everything from Kaz too. 

I wished I could help him, if it could only be as easy as killing another man for him. That I could do. Killing was something I grew good at during my stay with the crows. But maybe that was just another part of my sanity drifting away from me, I didn't mind though; if I had it I would never have fallen for Kaz Brekker. 

When Wylan and Jesper joined us I patted the Kerch boy on the back. "Tell me if Jes does anything unspeakably stupid, okay? I don't think his head is screwed on right, but he means well."

He chuckled while I got an elbow thrown at me by Jesper himself. "Says you."

I laughed, "Bold of you to assume I haven't lost my head already."