used to love. | sunsun

20. confession

The evening air held a subtle chill as Jay wearily made his way back to the hotel, footsteps echoing the weight of both physical exhaustion and the emotional burden he carried. The hotel room awaited him in dim silence.

As Jay entered, he noticed the window wide open, revealing the silhouette of Park Sunghoon, by the pool, against the night. The buddy hadn't noticed Jay as he let out a large cloud of smoke, supporting his weight with his other hand.

In the room, Sunoo lay peacefully on the expansive bed, wrapped in a cocoon of slumber beneath a thick blanket. The small, dim lamp on the side table next to Sunoo was the only thing that provided light in the dark room.

Jay hesitated to move but closed the door behind him and walked closer to the pool.

Choosing a seat next to Sunghoon, Jay navigated the tension that seemed to hang in the air. Despite acknowledging the potential impact this conversation might have on their friendship, Jay valued it more than any unspoken romantic pursuit. Sunghoon, aware of Jay's presence, stole a glance at him, a subtle smile forming as they sat in companionable silence.

Eventually, Sunghoon broke the silence, his voice a gentle murmur cutting through the stillness.

"You okay?" he began, eyes searching Jay's face for the truth that lingered in the depths.

Jay met Sunghoon's gaze, a mix of sadness and sincerity reflected in his eyes. "Yeah— I'm..," he paused, lowering his head staring into the dark.
"I'll figure it out." He continued with honesty, a soft nod accompanying his words.

"I.. hm." Swinging his legs back and forth in the cold pool, Sunghoon hesitated, unsure of the right words to say to avoid hurting feelings. "It's fine," Jay laughed, surprising Sunghoon, who raised his head slightly. Jay's face bore a reassuring smile. "I don't want you to feel pity for me here, so don't feel the need to apologize."

"I don't want things to get awkward between us," Sunghoon said cautiously. "And I want to clear the air."

"I told you I'll be fine. Is there a time I've ever lied to you, huh?" Jay's ability to maintain an uplifting energy and diffuse the intense air impressed Sunghoon. That's how he knew Jay—never revealing his true feelings and emotions.

"It'll take a while for me to completely get over this.. that's for sure" His voice got more silent after each and every word, "But throughout the time chasing Sunoo, I already felt like interrupting the 'lowkey relationship' you guys had going on. It was obvious he wasn't over you, so I tried to keep my hopes down.. Ha.. It's love.. It's not like we can control them. So, I don't blame you.. us. I don't blame anyone."

"What are you even saying right now, Jay?"

Though still carrying echoes of sadness, Jay looked at Sunghoon with gratitude. "Anyway. I just wanted you to know, Sunghoon. Our friendship is my priority, and I don't want anything to jeopardize that."

"I appreciate your honesty, Jay," Sunghoon stated, his voice a steady reassurance. "Our friendship means a lot to me, and I value the trust you've placed in me by sharing this."

Their conversation continued, weaving through the complexities of emotions, the shifting dynamics, and the uncharted territories of their connection. Sunghoon expressed his understanding of Jay's journey, acknowledging the challenges they both faced.

As the night wore on, their words found a rhythm—a dance of vulnerability and reassurance. Jay's initial sadness slowly transformed into acceptance, and Sunghoon's empathy became the bridge that spanned the gap between them.

In the quiet moments that followed, Sunghoon extended a hand, a gesture of solidarity. Jay reciprocated with a genuine smile, a silent affirmation of their enduring friendship. The room, once laden with unspoken tension, now bore witness to the resilience of their bond.

As they settled into the embrace of the night, Jay whispered. "But I'll share the bed with Sunoo, right? I mean he's sleeping on my side right no—" Jay joked, trying to get a laugh to lighten the mood but got splashed by the water instead.

"How about you sleep in this pool instead, bud?" Sunghoon spat back, sarcasm in his voice.

"Why don't you join me, mr. high schools heartthrob."

"My pleasu—" Both men paused in their conversation as they heard footsteps getting closer and closer until they saw Sunoo leaning towards them with sleepy eyes. "Why are you hugging and flirting like a couple at 3am?" he asked before pushing them both into the pool nonchalantly. "I'll sleep alone on both beds, you guys go sleep in the pool as you wished."

"Damn.. Was your boyfriend always that aggressive?" Jay asked, spitting water from his mouth. "He certainly is, if you interrupt his sleep." The other answered, gritting his teeth against the cold.