Sinking In The Deep End - Chanlix

Eight

You made me feel,
As if we were complete,
But now you're filled with nothing but conceit,

[a/n: TW]

When Felix's mother arrived home from the store the next evening, she was greeted by a furious man. A man she called her husband, for reasons she couldn't remember why.

"What's bothering you this time?" She snapped at the male, hanging up her coat and shoving her shoes off.

"Did you get rid of that boy?" He said. He sounded almost- no, completely emotionless.

"Yes, he spoke horribly to me so I sent him even further away." The woman replied, taking a seat on one of the dining room chairs. A dark atmosphere already filled the room. "He'll be off our minds now."

"Well, that's perfect." The man vocalised, oblivious to the fact that Felix was heading down the stairs. "He turned our son gay." Felix stopped in his tracks, frozen to the spot halfway on the staircase.

"What?" The woman's voice gained volume, her attention focusing on the words leaving Felix's father's mouth.

"Before we left parents evening, one of the teachers said he had seen the two embracing in the music classroom." He explained, Felix still stood silent with a heart beating fast with fear. "I didn't think too much of it until I found this." The man lifted a piece of paper with a drawing of the rainbow pride flag doodled onto it. "I found it under Felix's bed."

"No son of mine, will be gay." She muttered, anger racing her veins. Nothing compared to Felix, however.

"But i'm your son." Felix spoke up, finding the courage to step down the stairs and into the living area.

"And are you gay?" Felix's father glared daggers into Felix's eyes. The boy didn't have a shiver down his spine or a movement of his any muscle, he just stared right back.

"Answer your father!" His mother raised her voice even louder, almost sensing her son's terror.

"Why does it matter?" Felix voiced, his breath slightly shaky.

"That wasn't the question, Yongbok." She had her eyes set on the ground, no one was to know how she felt in that moment. Not even her.

"Are you gay?!" Felix's father shouted, standing up from his seat on the posh, black leather couch. "ARE YOU?"

"YES!" Felix yelled back, losing track of all emotions he had. "Okay! Happy now? I'm gay!"

"No you aren't." The man said, not stepping forward nor back from his position.

"Why would you ask me a question, just to deny my truthful answer?" He stared, a stare that felt deadly, into his parent's loveless, emotionless souls.

"You were, perfect." The woman spoke quietly, "Perfect, happy and good. You followed our rules."

"I was NEVER HAPPY! You wouldn't even let me experience happiness or recognise the feeling! Your rules were cruel to me." Felix screamed, letting all his thoughts and bottled up emotions out.

"Shut your mouth boy." His father took one step forward, Felix taking one step back.

"NO! I WILL NOT LET YOU HURT ME ANY LONGER!" Felix screamed again, stepping further and further away from the approaching man.

"WE HAVE NEVER HURT YOU. BUT WE CAN." His father yelled, throwing his fist across Felix's face. The boy rushed his hand to hold his now bleeding nose.

"I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND NEVER COME BACK!" He kicked his son at the legs and opened the front door, shoving the boy out of his house.

"Wait- please-" Felix begged, hot tears rushing down his cheeks.

His father picked up the boy's bag and shoes and chucked them out the door at his son who was on the floor outside his own house, sobbing and in pain both physical and mental.

"And Felix?"

"Yes Father?" He mumbled, looking up at the man he didn't even want to call his father anymore.

"I never loved you." He slammed the door on Felix and locked in tight, leaving the boy looking up at the building that was once his house. The words stinging worse than the feeling of having his boots hit his face.

He slowly stood up, shoving his shoes on his feet and swinging his bag onto his shoulders. Wiping the excess blood from his nose that had eventually stopped bleeding and holding a finger against it to prevent blood from going everywhere if it did start bleeding again, the boy made his way to the only place he had left. Chris' apartment.

"Chris?" Felix spoke, standing hesitantly at the door of Chan's apartment.

No reply.

"Chris, come on talk to me." He left a few knocks on the door.

No reply.

"Please," Felix said, quieter than he meant to. "I have nowhere else to go."

He decided to open it, slowly.

"Chris?"

Nobody was there.

No sign of him, except a note.

Sinking

Felix slowly approached it.

In

It was a scruffy piece of paper.

The

With words written in Chan's pretty handwriting.

Deep

It read:

Dear my beautiful Lix,
The world may seem against us,
Yet it still brought you to me for the time we had together,
I'm so very thankful for that,
Even if it's torn us apart again,
I'm sorry my love,
I may never see you again,
I may not even survive,
With the hope I'm desperately hanging onto,
Here is my current address:
xxxxx, xxxxxx, xxxxx, Seoul, South Korea,
Stay safe Felix, I love you,
Chris x

End

Felix's heart had felt like it had been ripped from his chest and crushed to pieces before his very own eyes, but he wasn't going to let it stay that way. Did he know what he was going to do to find his way back to the boy? No, he didn't have half a clue. Did he know where he was going to go now he had nobody there for him? No, but fate has it's ways.

"Hello?" A female voice called out, the girl stepping through the open door that Felix had forgotten to close and giving the now slightly older boy a small smile. "Are you Felix?" The boy just turned and stared at her, distraught. "Oh, yeah. I'm Hannah. Chris' sister, he asked me to check on you. I'm sorry he's been sent away."

"Who sent him away?" Felix muttered, shaking in every part of his body.

"Well, if you're Felix which I think you are as your freckles look like the ones in the photo Chris sent me, then it was your bitchy mother. No offense." She spoke, a mix of a chuckle and a sob leaving Felix's lips.

"None taken. I just can't believe she did that." He said, struggling to stay on his feet and collasping onto the couch. Tears non-stop falling from his eyes.

"What happened to you?" Hannah asked, examining the dry (and fresh) blood gathered around Felix's nose.

"My parents found out I'm gay." He mumbled, although Hannah could still hear him as she sat herself down beside him. "They don't support that kinda thing and I was basically forced to come out and then I was punched and kicked out." He voiced, choking on sobs. "And now i've lost my boyfriend, the only person in this world who loved me."

"He really fucking loves you, that's for sure." She whispered, audible for Felix however. "What if I told you... I could get you to him?"