Back to Reality(Twilight)

Chapter: 16

"I hate goodbyes," Bella whispered as she dug her head into my chest and sniffled against my shirt.

I rubbed her back and arms while we stood in the driveway, watching as Emmett and Rosalie loaded the last of their things into the back of the moving van. They weren't moving far, in fact, they were only moving to Rose's apartment while they looked for a house of their own. But still, Alice and Bella were sobbing messes while watching our newlywed friends move out of the house.

"Oh my god, please stop," Rosalie said, rolling her eyes but the truth fell from her leaky eyes while she reached for a hug. The three of them embraced together, blubbering something about "the end of an era." Whatever, I knew they would probably be back over before nightfall. But I let them have their moment without saying a word.

A few minutes later, the married couple drove off, leaving only one engaged couple and one kinda-dating-kinda-waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop couple in this big three-bedroom house once again.

Alice and Jasper took one couch while Bella and I curled up on the other, watching You've Got Mail because it was Alice's night to pick. Bella was lying in between the back of the couch cushions and me with her arms hugging my waist while mine were behind my head. Neither one of us particularly cared for the movie, and even if we did, we had seen it hundreds of times, so we whispered back and forth to each other during the whole thing, occasionally giggling whenever Alice would "shush" us.

It had been about a month since the wedding, and things were much the same as before, but I was still learning every day. And sometimes, I would forget all about how I got here. I was normal for those moments. I laughed and loved and acted as carefree as ever, forgetting completely about my situation and how, at any time, I could switch back. However, it was during those moments when I would see Bella stare at me a certain way. Not the normal "I love you" way that I had gotten used to, but instead she would look at me like she truly saw me, like she knew in those moments I was being real, like nothing was holding me back, like she saw every one of my many secrets. I wanted it to be like that forever. But I knew better.

However, for the most part, I tried not to think about it. So things were great. Bella and I were great. Over the past month, we had acted the same but still different. Better different. Good different. I told her I loved her at least multiple times a day. And just like Emmett had said, we made love at least twice a day, sometimes more. And since the wedding, we had much more time to be alone. So we went out, a lot. We went on dates to the park, to the movies, to the harbor again and again, out to eat. I learned her favorite foods, her favorite flower, her favorite color, her middle name, how she took her coffee, her vices, her pet peeves, what made her laugh, what made her cry. I learned everything I could, leaving nothing unexplored so that each day was a new one.

But every day, every single day, I looked at my grandmother's ring. I kept it hidden away in a small drawer inside my closet, under piles and piles of old clothes. But at the end of the night, while she was brushing her teeth or blow drying her hair or on the phone with her dad or even just stepping out to say good night to Brody, I would take out the diamond ring, hold it in between my fingers and dream of the day when she would wear it. Every day, I would imagine the perfect words to say to her and picture her face when she saw it. And every day, I would shake my head, sigh and gently tuck it away and dream of a different day, a different time, a different place and a different reality.

She had been much happier since we started making love and voicing our feelings out loud. She didn't get sad or worried or beg me to never leave her. It seemed that for the most part, she had forgotten about those first couple of weeks. And, basically, I had too. I was a different person with her, and the other person that I was...before...seemed like nothing but a distant memory, a dream, a made up illusion. I had come to realize that if you told a lie long enough, you would start to believe it yourself. And I had. I had fallen victim to my own secrets. I had begun to deceive myself. But for the time being, I didn't care. I was happy. So happy, that my lies had clouded every rational part of me. Ignorance is bliss, right?