Back to Reality(Twilight)

Chapter: 17

I always felt like I chasing after her. Even when I wasn't, it felt like I was. She was running; I was always chasing. My heart felt like a heavy rock in my chest as I slammed the front door behind me, chasing after Bella onto the front lawn.

I screamed her name over and over, telling her to wait and stop and to just give me one fucking minute to explain and listen to me; just anything so I could explain everything, the truth if I had to, even though, I wouldn't. I never could.

The bottom fell out of the sky as thunder sounded mixed in with my cries and pleas for her to halt. Then, the rain came. And it poured. Worse, always worse.

But, she finally stopped.

"Every year, Edward..." she started. "...every fu..." I wasn't sure why she stopped herself from cursing, but she did, her eyes casting downward briefly while the rain soaked her white t-shirt, revealing her bright pink bra underneath and sticking her Nike shorts to her tone thighs. The sight should have been arousing or even comical somewhat, but just looking at her, thoroughly drenched and pissed off, stabbed me right through my porcelain heart. She finally raised her eyes, not bothering to push her wet strands of hair from her face as her voice lowered to a husky whisper. "Every year I beg you not to do something special for my birthday. Every year I beg you not to make a big fuss over it..." her voice was soft and strained, drowning in the heavy downpour and thunder. "...and every year you don't listen to me."

I swallowed, my throat constricting and feeling like a thousand knives piercing my stomach and esophagus.

"All week, I waited." Her eyes dropped to the glistening grass below her feet. "Now, I just feel stupid."

I stayed at least 20 feet away from her, afraid of getting too close to her or taking another step closer which might ignite the fire in her to run again. Because I knew, deep in my heart, that's what she would do. Run.

"Why would you feel stupid?" I asked quietly.

"I don't know. For hoping, maybe," she shrugged. Her eyes lifted to mine once again, but they slowly traveled above my head where she glanced for a moment before rolling her eyes and looking back down.

I looked behind me to see the cause of such a reaction, when I did, I was met with four sets of eyes peeking through the blinds of the dining room at us. When they noticed me catching them snooping on mine and Bella's not-so-private "disagreement" on the front lawn in the fucking downpour, they immediately straightened the blinds, snapping them shut.

"I swear to God," she groaned. "This is so embarrassing." Her hands gestured towards her clinging shirt and bright, pink boobs, but in my head, I knew. I knew.

"Let's go inside, Bella. It's pouring. We can...we can talk inside." And again in the back recesses of my mind, I was aware of the light goose bumps pebbling my flesh, but the water slid right off my skin, leaving no sort of feeling. Numb to the cold, numb to the rain, numb to the knives in my throat.

"No," she replied swiftly. "I can't...I, uh..." she glanced behind her, lingering for a moment towards her jeep in the driveway. "I'm gonna go." Always running.

"Bella! Please-" Always chasing.

" 'Please' what, Edward? What do you possibly have to say to me?" With her voice raised and her eyes piercing, tears began to mix with the raindrops down her face. She took another step away from me. "I have nothing left to say to you." Running.

"Baby...baby..." my voice clamored and my throat constricted, whining and wailing and pushing away every urge that I had to cry until the tears ran dry . "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Please, don't leave. I don't...I didn't even..." And words...they wouldn't come, wouldn't help in my chase.