My Love, Is This Really Love? (Pernico/Percico)

Chapter 11

Nico's POV

After the kiss (if that's what you'd call it), I sorta ran out. I know, I know. I'm an idiot. Like I finally get him, but then I run. What the hell, right?

But I couldn't stay. No, I don't have a boyfriend waiting for. No, I don't have a bad case of Mexican food. No, I didn't hate I was kissing him. No, I didn't majestically hear something telling me to leave.

I was scared.

This was Percy fucking Jackson. He's not gay! He'll come to realization that he's kissing not only a dude, but me. The creepy, weirdass son of hades. He'd be disgusted and hate me so why stay for that?

I'm an idiot, I know. How did I convince myself I was worth him for one damn second?

Look at him, look at me. He's what? A modern Adonis with the beautiful teeth and sparkly eyes and charmingly messy hair and the body built like a friggin temple that needs to be worshipped.

And then there's me. The sickly pale, brown-eyed idiot with no charm, no body, no talent to pull it off. No, I don't mean I'm plain and secretly handsome. I don't mean there's a magical six-pack underneath my hoodies. I'm just me. I'm just boring. I'm just sick and hideous and a freak. Someone like me will never measure up to be someone for a guy like him.

God, what on earth made me think I could do this? What made me kiss him? What made me decide that maybe I can be good enough for someone? I won't ever be. I'm too broken. I'm too damaged. I'm too "handle with care, fragile content inside." No one wants that. Not really. If they want that, it's because they want to feel important for making someone feel okay for a little bit. Percy Jackson doesn't need a pick-me-up like that. He's saved the world enough times.

In short, this was all a misunderstanding. He probably wanted to test around with sexuality and see where he fits and doesn't. Suggesting that he would do this out of spite or for the sake of being cruel would be stupid. He's too nice for that.

What if he was too nice to reject me? What if all he wanted was to leave, but thought he should stay to spare me the rejection?

What if I just ruined his day? His week? His year? The year he went "gay" for the shit human being. What if all he wants to do is bleach his mouth and run away and get rid of any thought of me?

Not unlikely. I mean, Bianca couldn't wait to leave, right? What's it any different with some guy who has tons of friends and a whole group of people waiting to worship him?

What would Percy Jackson wants with some kid who can't even begin to understand how fucking useless, worthless, and shitty he is? Why would he want a son of Hades who can't get anything right?

Oh yeah. That's right.

He wouldn't.

•••••••••

Haha... Funny story... It's been more than a year, you say?

To be honest, I hadn't suspected that anyone would continue to read this story, but apparently I'm wrong...?

Okay, well, I'll try to keep this story going, though it way suck buttholes. I apologize in advance. I hope y'all have a good day and year and life and all that jazz.

With much love and many apologies,
Queen of Gay Ships