Shadows into Light

One self aware question

One self aware-ful mistake

Leading towards a deep pit filled with painful needles and arrows

Made by the contradicting question

" Do you really love me? "

I'm taken >aback<

Feeling my heart beat as if it were hit by a drumstick

Deep needles and pins made from metal, wood, rock

Deep bullet wounds devotedly dig themselves into my skin

It continuously misuses me like a serial killer let on the loose

I ask every insignificant part of my body

Why does this question strikes me in such an austere way

It moves around reckless

Damaging the tissues around it

The strings cut loosely

Scars left and right

Left deeply in contemplation

Figuring out how to voice all the knives jabbed into me all at once

Many cuts and slits leaving a past love that can only do so much

But within love, pain is followed with it

Deep connections like grave vines

Watered down by pesticides

Chemicals eating my skin alive

As my thoughts are once again corrupted

Only replaying a part distant to any other pain

Each one layering another shell of unresolved trauma

While I stand there spiritually and emotionally naked

I sit back in thought

While my head sinks underwater

Full of profound thoughts

Only ever seen within our reflections

With the mirrors our apartments required

I answer " how could I not love you? "

How could anyone look and say

They didn't see your light

A beautiful soul

In this existence

Past lives filled with sorrow

With a future that'd shine across room

Filled with the things I'd never received as a child

No insignificant existence could ever out maneuver you

The way you make a creation deeply profoundly wounded

Bloody weapons, scars, blood haul across my clothes

Filled with engraved thorns

I have only met one soul that has re-lived the animation of mine

And that title

The crown is truly yours

Viruses now spawn continuously inside of my head

Havoc's of fear now caused

By the moments where we fight

Now I obtain a face filled with only alarm

As my feelings form into one

I only feel trepidation

Scared of losing the only soul who has

Comforted me like clothes that layer on top of your skin

Only leaving a sense of warmth

A warmth that all the cold winters have not gave me

Despite my walls each with their own names

Depression, Anxiety, BPD, Rapid attachment, Separation anxiety, Fear of loss, Fear

Walls caused to ignore the pain

Only to cause an indefinite amount of pain

Constantly broken down by the own creation it was meant to keep away

Building walls for my heart to ignore all the pain

Although the walls will be crushed by the weight of the wounds

Never enough to make how much " i love you " go away.