I Wish You Never Met Me

22

A/N:

So, this is chapter is going to be long. And I've decided to break it into two parts. Sorry, I had to give Jaxson and Meghan some time. You know? Those two have been through a lot. And Meghan's put him through a lot trying to... (I won't mention it because people are sensitive to these topics/instances. If you feel like this or severely depressed, please talk to someone. Anyone. You don't have to go through this alone. You belong here as much as the rest of us do. You deserve to follow/achieve your dreams. 

CHAPTER 22 (Part 1)

This time, like last time, I didn't want to be saved.

The walls were bleak, bland and practically dead like I should've been. I know I've caused a shift in things, but I still feel this way. I feel that I should be with him, maybe that'd be better off that way. I would've known that for sure. I've known that for a while. They don't need me. They never will. So, why do they make it seem like I'm doing something wrong by leaving? One trial placed me ten steps back. You'd think I wouldn't affected by some comments and some threats, but you're wrong. It's more than that.

Some came from family, as they still ride for the man and woman who has caused me nothing but endless suffering. They will die on that hill. I'm sure of it. Some came strangers who has nothing better to do to treat my situation like soap opera and believe Clarise who has been milking her way in playing the victim.

As I said before, they wanted a villain. They want me to stoop as low as possible. They want me to be the villain they painted. Going around with these random men. Allowing them to have their way with me. However, I know Jaxson has something planned. I know he'll push things further. Someone was going to eat dirt and that dirt will burn their stomach especially their esophageal lining.

The white walls were comforting. I've grown tired of living in between the same four gray walls all the time. I can't help but be reminded of the suffering I've endured and still am enduring. I served my time as a good citizen should but that's not enough for them. The sound of the monitor showing me how my heart is stable. I've broken heats but this time they were meant to be broken. I wanted to go. I needed to. The one person I had left. I needed to go to him.

I need my grandpa. Grandpa why did you have to leave? Why did you have to die? Why did cancer have to take you away from me? Why did it have to take you away so early? I still had so much to learn from you. I had so much to see through your eyes. I had so many stories to hear from you. Grandma is still sad. Grandma is still sad that you left. You thought we could live without you. But that's not case, grandpa.

Tears. I hated them. I hated how much they took control of the situation leaving my eyes whenever they wanted. I've always been told crying was for losers. Crying was for the weak. I've been trying to be strong. I've learned to stay quiet during my moments of punishment. For so long, I've been able to keep my cool. I don't want to cry. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of feeling pain. That's why I did this. That's why I've tried to leave and yet again...

My hand got squeezed, two fingers pushed away the tears that have been falling. "Hey, why the tears, firecracker?"

I found Jaxson at my side. The one person who seemed to understand my tears even though his negligence at the time is part of the reason. "Grandpa," was all that slipped between my lips being grinded like a nutmeg.

The corners of his mouth fell. The deep frown that sat there was almost permanent. He pulled the chair behind him, never letting go of my hand, and sat by me. "You miss him?"

I nodded.

"That's why you want to go to him?" his voice was broken. He looked broken like he hasn't slept in days. Did I cause that? Did he really care for me? I looked away avoiding his eyes. Those dead, sullen eyes that speak of loss and agony. "That's why you wanted to leave? You want to see him again. Hear him again. See his smiling face again."

I almost broke down.

"I'm sorry," I heard something I hadn't heard before. A thick, heavy sob left his mouth. "I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry that I watched. I'm sorry I failed to keep my promise. I failed you, Meghan. You have every right to leave but I keep trying to make you stay. I don't understand your pain. I never will. It's my fault for being complacent and negligent. I wish I acted sooner. I was selfish because I didn't want them to know about the company or what I did. I wanted to protect that, and I want to protect you. I want you to be happy again. I should've shown this to you sooner. I should've let you hear him before he died. He left you a message."

That made me look at him, his tear-stricken face, his red eyes. "I beg you. Don't go until you hear this."

Then he pulled his phone from his back pocket and placed it on the bed. Then the sound of grandpa's voice hummed through it. "Hey there, little one. By the time you hear this, the pancreatic cancer has taken me already. You've been going through a lot. I can tell. Those little eyes have lost their glare of hope a little too early. I can tell you've experienced more than even I could imagine. Jaxson hasn't seen it yet which is why he's complacent. He doesn't know but both your grandmother and I do. I wish we'd done something sooner. But even we were too ignorant. I'm sorry we didn't believe you then. I'll atone for it. But just hold on a little longer, fight a little longer, my dear. I know that you'll try to come to me, but don't come yet. It isn't your time yet. If you come here, I won't be able to watch you achieve your dreams. I want you to make that fashion empire happen, little one. You promised to put my bags in there. I'll hold you to that. Whoever tries to stop you will never be able to. By then, Jaxson will come to his senses and fight with you. He'll protect you. He promised me that he would. When he plays this for you, don't cry. I've seen you cry enough. I've heard you scream in pain. Before you come, I hope you're no longer suffering. I love you, my dear. Fight like the firecracker that I know you'll always be. Fight hard. You'll win. I know you will. I believe in you. Show them who you really are."

The tears spill. My heart was swollen with joy to hear him. Grandpa. My grandpa. I will, grandpa. I will fight.

"Where did you get this?" I asked.

"Grandma sent it to me."

"When?"

"A year after he passed on," he placed his phone back in his pocket. "If not for us, fight for him. Fight for yourself. You can win this. Remember—"

"You aren't alone. And if no one else believes you, I do."

A/N: 

I had to give Meg and Jaxson a little moment. I wanted to give a quick breather before all the craziness that may happen in future chapters. My girl really misses her grandpa. I had to give her one more little push to fight for herself, you know? Even though, she has all these people around her. She felt alone. She felt she needed to be alone and push everyone away. The next one will see some development in certain parts of her life. Besides the next trail of course. 

I hope you enjoyed

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see you in the next one!