I cant sleep without you

Vampire

      My head hurts. I can't remember when Kara came home. I didn't dare to follow her inside and returned to the car. I've been sitting here for an hour, thinking only about her. No, I'm not crying. Enough of those tears I couldn't hold back in front of her. It's funny. I'm laughing, really. Sitting behind the wheel and laughing. I've never laughed so sadly. It seems I'm in pain... I didn't expect these feelings. Damn, I thought it was just a game for her, but why does it hurt so much? She deceived me. Although, no... I deceived myself. I thought she was mine, that now I could do anything. I'm just a fool. Damn.

— Damn, damn, damn, damn! — I shout and hit the steering wheel until my hands ache. Holding back the tears. I look up to make them go away. I need to calm down. I feel like an offended child who doesn't get what they want so badly. Maybe I should go to Ben's and have some wine? He wrote that he misses us. — Hah... As if that will help me now... — I'm having a dialogue with my thoughts. Somehow, I manage to pull myself together, and I go back inside. It's quiet. Mom must be asleep for sure. I don't rush upstairs, I go to the fridge and take out a bottle of water, I need to swallow this lump in my throat. It becomes much easier. 

     I finish the bottle and hear a strange sound. Periodic thumping sounds. I start to understand what it is, and quietly head in the direction of the sounds. As I thought - it's her. Kara is boxing. She's back in her shorts and tank top. I didn't attract attention to myself, just quietly watched. There was aggression in her strikes. She hit too hard. Her gaze... It was clouded, as if she saw someone in front of her. With each strike, I hear a slight growl, and I get goosebumps. Clearly, this is not just a workout, she's letting off steam. I wonder who she imagines instead of the punching bag? Could it be me? Nonsense, I didn't break her heart... I should be the one letting off steam on the punching bag, not her. She was having fun, she was playing. I was like an open book to her. She just used me. That's her hobby. I get angry at my thoughts, I want to speak up to her, but I can't burst in on her. I won't be able to say anything to her right now. I can't do anything about all of this right now...

      After taking a shower, I immediately lay down. She's been gone for an hour now, and I can't fall asleep. But then the door opens, and I quickly close my eyes, pretending to be asleep. I don't know why I'm doing this... Am I afraid to make eye contact with her? My heart is pounding. I feel like she's standing in front of my bed, and I hear her heavy breathing. What? Did she kneel down? Her face is definitely close. Lord, I can't handle this, what is she doing? I was about to open my eyes when she exhaled sharply and, abruptly standing up, went into the bathroom. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I try to understand what just happened. I could clearly feel her uneven breathing nearby. I sigh. This girl will drive me crazy. Maybe I jumped to conclusions too quickly? Maybe she wasn't playing after all? Maybe she's afraid of something? Damn, everything is so confusing. I collapse back onto the bed. We need to talk, definitely, but how do I find the right moment? It won't work at college. Okay, we'll see tomorrow. Finally, she came out of the bath, and I managed to fall asleep.

       Morning. Her bed is made. I quickly check the time. No, I didn't oversleep. I sigh with relief and force myself to get up. For some reason, I feel lighter now because I realize that not everything is clear yet, which means nothing is over. While I'm getting ready, I replay the scenes of the confrontation in my head a hundred times, unconsciously having a dialogue with her in my mind. I choose my words, formulate questions I want to ask. It's like a psychosis, as if I feel some kind of obsession. This is not healthy. I go downstairs, my mom, as usual, is bustling around. I look into the kitchen—there's Kara, drinking coffee. Her eyes are downcast, and she seems completely out of sorts. It's calming for me to see her like this, because if she looked like nothing happened, it would be awful. I make myself breakfast, glance at her, but she doesn't pay any attention to me. She's so beautiful... I seem to always admire her, no matter how angry I am with her. Her hair is down, she tucked one side behind her ear. I notice that her eyes are slightly swollen. Did she not sleep?