I cant sleep without you

find out all my secrets II

     It's even harder for me to wait to read the entire diary now. After the shower, without drying my hair, I immediately open the laptop and start reading. When I read, the absence of Kara becomes easier to bear; she is in these words, and I feel that a part of her is nearby...

***

       I thought that Amy would be playing until morning today, as I was boxing, but she had already gone to bed. When I tried to fall asleep, I began to feel someone's presence near my bed. Very close. It was Amy... I wouldn't mistake her pleasant scent for anyone else's. I felt uneasy. What was she doing? Sitting and watching me sleep? What did she want to do? There were so many questions in my mind, but I never opened my eyes. She was so close to my face that I could feel her breath. Suddenly, I felt a light touch on my face; she brushed away a fallen lock of hair.

—"And what am I supposed to do now?" — She whispered it so quietly, but I heard it all too clearly. 

      My heart was beating unusually fast. What do you mean, Amy? Why are you looking at me like this, squatting down in the middle of the night? Why so close? My heart is about to leap out of my chest, and I'm afraid you'll hear it. Finally, she moved away... I breathed out with relief, but it seems to have also saddened me. What's happening to me?

Waking up, I immediately turn my eyes to Amy's bed. She's not there; has she already gotten up? It's too early. Maybe she didn't sleep at all. Going downstairs, Mom embraces me with a sincere smile, as if I've returned from a long trip. I'm afraid of getting used to such kindness. Also, Mom asked me a leading question, whether I had insomnia, like Amy, which confirmed my thoughts. She didn't sleep because of me? That question... I shouldn't have asked it. Amy didn't look at me. She made me coffee quietly and left. It was unexpected and pleasant. When we talk, she can't respond without a hint of boldness, much like me, but her actions... They speak of her caring nature and how genuinely sweet she is. Such little things mean a lot to me. She probably doesn't realize it; she just does it, and that's all.

I'm constantly looking at her, but she doesn't look at me. As if she's vowed never to glance my way. I remember what happened last night. Could it be that she likes me? The thought makes me smile, but I quickly force myself to dismiss it. It's futile... I start recalling moments when she did look at me, her gaze. While we were driving, and her eyes were fixed on the road, I couldn't help but admire her. She has such beautifully outlined eyes. Her hair is in a bit of a mess, probably she didn't dry it, and it falls in a pleasant wave. Her clothing style isn't monotonous but lacks femininity. Yet, it all looks harmonious... To me... I like it, I like everything about her. My eyes are drawn to her lips again, and I notice her smile. I wonder what thoughts make her smile. Suddenly, she grabs her temple. I'm scared. Even though she said everything is fine, I start worrying. During classes, I was trying to discreetly watch her. 

    She went to the medical center, but it's closed, nonsense, it shouldn't be closed. I went to the dean and started asking why the medical center is closed. He quickly realized the issue and called the doctor, whose shift had long begun, to come to work quickly. I started looking for Amy again; she still worries me. Finding her sitting and playing games with her friend, I was about to relax, thinking her pain had passed, but she grabbed her temple again. I was going to approach her and, if necessary, take her by the hand to the medical center, but Ben blocked my way. He started telling me about the ball, how it would be very fun, and I should go with him. I refused, saying that I'm not interested in such events and I'm far from it, but he insisted, arguing that such moments are needed for happy memories. Well... Memories of the ball are unlikely to outweigh those that haunt me every day. Still, I agree, when suddenly, Amy approached us. When I asked about her head, she pretended not to understand what I was talking about. Why would she do that? Is it really that hard for her to answer a simple question right away? Ben noticed the tense atmosphere between us and suggested I go with them to the skate park, which Amy clearly didn't like. But I became very curious.