Strange times (Soukoku?)

Trapped in my own body

Warnings
- cursing
- cringe (?)
- slightly angst
- Stormbringer spoilers
- mention of self-harm (kind of)
- slight self-hatred
- panic attacks?? I'm not sure

Small note
This didn't happen at all during the c.ai chat, but I want to write Chuuya's POV, and I slightly want to make it less accurate, I hope that is ok.

★

Nothing. That's what Nakahara Chuuya felt. He felt like a prisoner. He can see his actions, but can't control them. How did this happen? Why did this happen? Well, it's not like he was human in the first place..

★
3 weeks ago...

It was a normal day, for Chuuya anyway, he woke up, went to work, but the weird thing was his boss, Mori Ougai. The man was already weird, but today he was, weirder..

"Chuuya-kun, I have an important job for you"

Sure, Chuuya was an executive, so the most important jobs were left to him and the other executives..but, this one..

"It's in a shack, by an abandoned hospital, I'll give you the exact location once you get started"

So, Chuuya, being the loyal d̶o̶g̶ person he was..did the job. Worst. Mistake. Ever.

★

Chuuya can't even remember what happened, he came in, and a strange gas filled the room, and he fell asleep. He doesn't want to believe it, but, he thinks he saw Mori-san..but, no, he wouldn't...right?

★
The present

It was morning now, or rather, night. Chuuya wakes up, he felt like he was being tortured all over again. He could barely even control his actions, he didn't feel..he didn't feel human. If he wasn't human before, he definitely wasn't now.

"You aren't human"

Chuuya heard Verlaine's voice echo in his head.

"Shut up..shut up..shut the fuck up!"

Chuuya gripped his ginger hair and pulled, the pain...was he human?..humans don't drink blood. Humans can go in the sun. Humans can control themselves. Chuuya isn't human. He's a monster.

"You aren't human, and you'll never be"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up shut up shut up shut up shut upshutupshutupshutup SHUT UP!!"

"CHUUYA!"

Chuuya flinched. Who was that?

Then Chuuya saw. Oh, it was Dazai

"Chuuya, are you ok? Let go.."

Oh..right, Chuuya slowly unclenched his fists, letting his ginger hair free.

"See? It's fine..it's all right...are you ok?"

Chuuya looked at him. He wanted to scream, maybe even sob. But he can't. Only humans can do that.

Chuuya stares for a bit, and it seems like Dazai reads his mind, as he puts his hands on his cheeks.

"Chuuya, listen to me. You. Are. Human. Even if you're a vampire, on the inside, you are human."

The redhead looked at him, before slightly biting his lip, he wanted to cry? Why? He would, but, not in front of Dazai, his pride won't let him, especially when he knows the brunette would hold it over his head for life.

"Chuuya...sigh, c'mere"

Chuuya looks at him disgusted, before walking over to Dazai, in which he gets pulled into a hug.

"Shh...it's okay...it's okay..."

Dazai says softly. That's when the dam practically broke, against Chuuya's will of course. Tears fell, and fell from sad blue eyes, why, why was he crying? Only humans can-...

"maybe...maybe it's not so bad...even if it's from the mackerel..."

That's when Chuuya realized..did...he just, hear his inner voice? Ever since he became a vampire, he had no control, he was biting people left and right, and having no thought. But, he just had one.

Though, before he could experiment further, he feels a bag go to his mouth. What?

"Chuuya, so, I went shopping while you were asleep, and bought some emergency blood bags for you to eat, after all, I don't want to die like that, especially to you"

Chuuya couldn't help but growl. Yet, deep down, he appreciated it. But, he wouldn't admit that.

★

After a few hours, Dazai of course fell asleep, and Chuuya was stuck with his thoughts again. He was thinking of many things. But it was hard to pin point what exactly. But, he kept hearing one repeat, over, and over, and over, and over again...

"You aren't human"

It repeated, over and over. And Chuuya could barely stand it, he wanted to rip his skin off, pull his hair, anything, just to prove that he was wrong, he wanted to scratch himself, maybe even cu-

"Chuuya, listen to me. You. Are. Human."

Chuuya's eyes widen. Right. Dazai told him he was human. But, was he right? Maybe not. But Chuuya would rather believe Dazai than Verlaine.

Maybe he could be human...

Ya, maybe...

★

Author's note

Sorry that this one is short, I think this might be the darkest one. I did enjoy writing this one, I don't remember much of Stormbringer, but I hope I remembered enough 👍. Sorry for all the short chapters, I was (forced) to study finals. Yay, so fun. I hope you enjoyed it :).