Always been you - J.Hughes

Chapter.4

May 16th 2015

Me and Jack are 14! That felt like the greatest milestone ever! We kept it just us again this year, I got Jack a pair of Nikes, expensive sure but I have a job now and he's my best friend of course I did it, he MADE me a scrap book, each year had a colour theme, and then he MADE me a crocheted blanket each square was one of those colours, I think I'm in love. I cried a little when he gave it to me.
Now it's the weekend and I'm getting ready for hockey practice, black lulu long sleeve and red lulu leggings. Dutch braiding my hair and only putting on lip balm, the day any of the Hughes boys sees me in makeup is the day I die, I don't wear a lot, sometime mascara and even then Quinn and Beck tease me for "trying to impress a boy" I mean they were right, a little but they didn't know it was for Jack.
"BECK!! STELLA COME HERE PLEASE!" Dad yells from downstairs, he doesn't yell for us to come downstairs, only if it's urgent.
We meet each other in the hallway looking worried and go down together.
"Sit down" he says, he looks stressed, he's in the middle of the couch and me and Beck sit in the separate recliner chairs across from him.
"Dad your worrying me" Beck says, dad looks stressed and worried and if it's scaring Beck it's bad, Beck always knows peoples feelings.
"Now before you but in let me finish"
My heart is racing, I want Jack. He knows how to calm me down.
"So, I was promoted from athletic trainer, to coach" he's going to coach the maple leafs with jim?! Or is Jim getting fired?! What the hell is happening I need him to finish!
"But.."
Uh oh.
"For the New Jersey devils, add your comments"
"Wait dad your moving to New Jersey? Are we staying here?" I ask, hoping that the right answer. Beck grabs my hand as dad shakes his head no.
Frozen. My mind and heart are running a thousand miles a minute but my body isn't moving a third of an inch, except to e tears streaming down my face.
Becks crying to, dad doesn't cry, but he looks upset.
"We are really moving to jersey" Beck asks. I don't want the answer to be heard again, everything goes quiet I need out.
"When" I say quickly standing up.
"Next week" shit.
I run to my room and lock it, crying so hard I wouldn't be surprised if the neighbours heard it.
I need hockey, to take my mind away.
Beck drove us, the car ride was silent. I had to sit in the cold back seat alone, that's what my life is going to feel in New Jersey, cold and empty without my boys, my boy.
We parked but before everyone left I stopped them in the car.
"Wait"
"Everything ok honey" dad asks.
"Nobody tell any Hughes"
"Jim and Ellen know, haven't told the boys yet" dad says.
"Text them right now not to tell them, I want to do it"
"Anything for you hun"
We get out and I try my best not to cry in front of Jack, Quinn and Luke were there too even better.
"Hey stel!" He says as I walk up to him.
"What's wrong" he says before I can even say hi.
"Tired"
"Oh ok, well here have a red bull"
"Sweet thanks" I gave him the best smile I could, he knew it wasn't my smile, my magic smile he calls it, but he doesn't even try and ask again, he knows it's more then being tired.
We won't the game, Jack and I both got a hat trick. My last game and he doesn't even know it, one way to exit.
We get home and I shower, cry some more and start a tiny bit packing.
I put on sweatpants and jacks hoodie he gave me last summer, the providence college one.
I had both rings on a chain, I've never worn this chain, always to afraid i will lose it. But I'm wearing it for him, I walk over to the house, now shoes just socks. The ground is dry. I walk in and Jack is on the back deck listening to music.
I go and sit on the beck next to him.
"Hi" i think i startled him, he moved a little when i sat down.
"Hey stel" he has a big smile on his face, how could i wipe it away.
His parents were in town getting grocery's or something. Now or never.
I grab his hand and interlace our fingers and stand up.
"Stel what are you doing"
"Come" as I say he gets up and follows me in the house.
"QUINN LUKE DOWNSTAIRS NOW" I yell.
They come sprinting down like they are in trouble.
"On the couch"
I'm in the Corner of the couch, not holding jacks hand any more but he's close to me, I'm angled so I can see all of there faces, Luke and Quinn are on sitting on the footrest angled in front of me.
"Okay before you but in hear me out please"
"Stel-" Luke begins to say I just glare at him and he stops.
"Look, it brings me physical pain to say this, my dad got a promotion to head coach"
"You're in pain because your dad has a better job?" Luke blurts out, Quinn covering Luke's mouth after he finishes and gives me a signal to keep talking, now the hard part, my breathing is heavy now, jacks holding my hand again.
"Not for the maple leafs tho"
They know what's coming, that I have to move.
"Where?" Jack asks.
I look at him, tears shedding in my eyes, it's gonna break us all.
I look back down at the floor.
"New Jersey" there was dead silence after that, I look at Quinn first, he's crying, Luke's crying. All the sudden my hand is empty, jacks back outside on the bench, AirPods in. I look at Luke, he goes to talk to him and Quinn comes and sits next me, hugging me, we are both crying except he just has a few tears, I'm sobbing into his collarbone.
Jim and Ellen walk in, they know. But they know we need a moment and go upstairs.
After 10 minutes of me breaking into pieces in Quinn's arms, Luke comes in and tells me to go see Jack, I stand up and give Luke a hug on my way by. I stop at the door way for a deep breath, then step out. I don't say anything for a bit after sitting down, his hood is up and I can't bring myself to looking him in the eye.
"Stel" he says, his voice cracking, he was crying as much as I was.
"Yea"
"Don't forget me"
I broke even more.
I lean my head in his shoulder."never,Jack I will never forget you"
"Promise" he finally turns to me.
I lean in and give him a proper hug.
"I promise row"
He calls me stel, I call him row.
He has his right AirPod in, my head is on that side. I can sort of make out a beat of the song.
Fuck.
I broke him.
Waiting room. He's listening to waiting room by phoebe bridgers.
I cry harder to his shoulder.
It's gotten late, I ended up staying the night. We all had one more movie night, I was leaving in 6 days and of course I would still see them, but we wanted a memorable movie night one more time.
Me and Jack layed next to each other in the corner on the left, I was all the way in the corner. My back to the cushion and my head on his chest, Quinn and Luke were on both sides of beck.
I ended up falling asleep there, but I woke up and we were still there, all the boys were. Even the other threes arms were on top of each others, nobody was wanting to wake up and break us.
May 23rd 2015
9:37am
It was time, our stuff was being shipped, my life was being shipped. But I was missing a part of it.
I was standing in the front yard, sweatpants and jacks hoodies again, I did change in between the week but this was my comfort right now. I went in there house one last time, that was the house i needed to see again. Stopping in his room he was looking out the window from his bed, I know gently.
"Jack" he turns around.
His eyes are red again,he stands up and hugs me one more time, towering over me, not really he's like a foot taller then me.
I cry again, takes dry the hoodie will smell like him again. He hands me a bag.
"Jack you di-" he cup me off
"Stop, I wanted to"
I open it.
2 hoodies, ones a university of Toronto one and one is just green.
I'm crying even more, I don't know how I have this many tears left.
"Look at the bottom"
" a blanket? Jack you just got me one for my birthday"
"Look at it"
I pick it up and it's just fabric.
"I'm confused"
(I know this wasn't a trend in 2015 but it's cute)
"Tie blanket, we cut up the ends and tie it, I got a blue and pink fabric. Our colors."
"Aww" I haven't stopped crying for like 30 minutes, I wasn't leaving for another hour so we had time to make them, we got to make two, and then I sprayed the perfume I always wear on it, cotton candy clouds.
I saw him spray cologne on it then a woft of vanilla came in the room.
"Jack I need to know the name of that cologne"
"Come here"
"More presents Jack, I feel awful I don't have something for you"
"Stel I want it that way, I know you. The minute you start preparing a gift or anything you will cry and I don't want you to cry anymore."
He hand me an un-open bottle of some sort of vanilla smores cologne.
I give him the biggest hug I could.
Now it's time to leave.
We go outside and everyone is out there, I went straight to Ellen.
"Thank you Ellen"
"Oh honey, you know your the daughter I never had" then I go to Jim.
A tight firm hug, always been like that.
The Luke, he looked like he didn't want to watch me leave, I made my way to Quinn, but he pulls me in the hug. It was a more secure hug, like he was never going to let go and I wanted it that way, luke went inside, I know he didn't mean it in a rude way, he didn't want to see it.
One more time it was jacks turn.
Everyone else is talking and hugging, we are off to the side a little bit.
"Stel, you're my favourite" he whispers , only I heard it.
"You're my favourite, Jack. Don't forget me"
"Don't forget me"
I felt a tear of his drip down to my face.
"Goodb-"
"No, not goodbye. Goodbye means I'm never going to see you again."
"See you later" I say instead.
"See you later stel"
We finally separate and now I have to walk to the car, I can't turn around and look at him. I can barely look out the window.
His family is on the step and he's on the sidewalk, Sobbing. Quinn's with him now, he immediately turned to Quinn into his embrace.
I hate how the last time im seeing him we are crying.
3:50pm
It's real now, on the plane. I got the window.
Goodbye Toronto. One day I will see them again.