HEALING HIM [ ✓ ]

17.

Shivaay's letter.

Annika opened the letter with shaky hands.

Annika,

She cried.

I am sorry. Please forgive me if you could. There had been many instances when I felt helpless, my parents death, bade papa and badi maa's death, or when I faced the taunts. But I had never felt so helpless the moment I saw you lying on the ground.

I had lost all senses. The fight was ensued because of me. You shouldn't have paid for it. I had promised myself that no matter what I'd make sure you don't get harmed in any way. Especially because of me. But exactly that happened. I broke my promise.

She shook her head. "No you didn't." She sniffled. "You broke mine." She whispered. "I will not forgive you for this. Just wait till I get my hands on you. I will make you pay."

You know, when you came to talk to me the first day I was wondering what it could be? Initially I expected a nasty comment to it. I apologise for that now, but could you imagine my surprise when you extended your hand of friendship to me? I had expected it to be some kind of a prank. But I was not prepared it to be your friendship offer. You don't know how conflicted I felt.

The sudden elation and intense worry, that is exactly what I felt when you extended your hand. I have never been happier. I was excited that finally I had someone to call a friend. Thank you, Annika.

But then again I was worried that I would somehow hurt you or become the reason for it. But you never deterred. You somehow were adamant that I can do nothing wrong when I myself wasn't. You ignited the flame of hope again when I had extinguished it. Would you believe if I tell you that I got the courage to talk to you because of you?

Annika couldn't keep the tears at bay. Why was he talking like this.

You helped me in so many aspects but I never got the chance to properly thank you.  For pulling me out of darkness and showing me that even someone like me can get a friend like you. I don't deserve you, Ani.

"Ani....." She breathed. "He gave me a nickname." Why don't you trust yourself Shivaay. Why do you discard your feelings away like this?

Sorry, i gave you that nickname in my head.

She cried at the nickname. "It's not fair, Shivaay. You never called me that. I would have loved it." She was forlorn.

The bracelet that you gave me. I still have it. And still wear it. Though it has tightened a bit now. That was the moment you called me your bestfriend. I didn't know how to react. How to respond.

I knew the friendship day was approaching and I wanted to do something for you. Then I remembered the acrylic set you had put down, i bought that as a gift. But didn't have courage to give you. But then you tied that bracelet. That was the most precious gift I have ever got.

Well, I better get to the topic. The reason....

It was crossed out.

Annika, I am sorry that I never contacted you all this time. It was not by end fair to your side but how could I face you when I broke my promise to you. I broke your trust. The moment you said that you trust me enough to not let anything reach to you. I had vowed to myself that I would make it happen but then again. When I wasn't strong enough to protect myself.....such a hypocrite I am, aren't I?

I got expelled for my fault.

I walked away from your life so that I could protect you. Hurting you was never my intention. It will never be.

I would rather hurt myself that let you get hurt.

"You already did that Shivaay." She whispered.

It was never yours, she thought.

Dadi, pulled out some ties and I got admitted in a school just in time for exams!

"Only you Shivaay. Only you. The person who'll be happy at the prospect of examinations."

His frequent apologies broke her heart. He was traumatised to the point where he started accepting everything. Even the things that never were his faults.

"That's what have you guilt ridden? I didn't mean it like that Shivaay. I wanted to assure you and that was the only to. I never wanted to impose any burden." She apologized profusely to the letter as if the apologies would somehow reach Shivaay.

"You didn't break your promise, Shivaay. I am in perfect health." If only you could see. But I am not happy. "You protected me instead. You sacrificed yourself to save me? If that's not keeping your promise then I don't know what is it. Why must you always doubt yourself. Condemn yourself. Huh?"

She was talking to a letter. I long to talk to you. Who's gonna listen to my rants. Who's gonna listen me talk about my favourite books and read them with me? Even though you didn't like them you used to read them with me so that you could keep me company. Who's gonna eat my burnt cookies and still smile like they were the best in the world? No one. No one but you.

I am going away.

Annika blinked at that. What did he mean? He was already away.

Its for your own good.

"Excuse me? For my good? How do you know that?" She asked offended. I am letting this slide Shivaay. Just this time, had  you been in front of me I would have knocked some sense back into that skull of yours.

Everything's happens for a reason.

"But what was the reason for this? Huh? That you had to disappear into a thin air without no note no message? Do you know how many nights I spent suffering! Wondering! Worrying that are you okay or not? I cried myself half worrying over you."

This is will be the last time you will be hearing from me Annika. I am moving away from you.

She scoffed. You're pushing me again, Shivaay. It didn't work last time. You think it'll work this time? I had promised you that we'll be together. And I fully intend to keep my promise Shivaay. But not until you're ready yourself.

From Omru

She gasped. "Shivaay, what the hell are you doing? They're kids." Shivaay, what's going on? Why am I getting a bad feeling about this? What do you mean moving away from all of us huh? They're your brothers. They can't leave without you. For me, I can bear that because I know you will come back. I believe in you.

I need to find myself.

"And you will Shivaay." Even though I couldn't say this to you but you have my support and always will.

I adore you Ani....admire you.... respect you...and most importantly I trust you....

It's my goodbye to you.

Always there,

Shivaay

PS : I will miss you.

"Shivaay...." She traced the words with her hands.

PPS : Om and Rudra were missing you a lot.

She cooed. "I miss them too." She whispered. "And you." She added.

"If our friendship is strong enough, then it will pass this test of time you have put. I believe it will. Do well, Shivaay." She spoke with finalty. She hugged the letter close to her and cried herself to sleep.

And.....the history will repeat itself again. Not the bad one. They will return to establish the friendship that was abandoned in the middle, who knows it could lead to something deeper. After all, nature has connected all in such fine threads.